Picking Up the Pieces
by ktobow
Summary: When tragedy strikes the Drake family and members start to spiral out will they be able to pick up the pieces of their life? A Samtrick family story featuring a teenage Emma, Danny and their own kid. Fair warning: Angst on Angst on Angst! :)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Yes! Finally!" Noah finished building the drone he had been working on for what felt like half of his life. In reality it only took him about 3 months but considering the others took him 3 weeks and he had the patience of a gnat this particular project seemed like an eternity. It was the latest in his collection of handmade drones. He was so excited, he wanted to show everyone but since the only person home was his sister, he started with her. Noah ran into Emma's room, busting through the door without knocking. She was going to be mad she hated when he didn't knock, "Emma! Come look at what I made! It's so cool. I can't wait to show Danny! Do you think they will find him?"

Emma was laying on her bed reading a book trying to ignore the nagging feeling in her stomach that Danny was about to ruin both of their lives for the foreseeable future. If mama and daddy found out what he was up to or that she knew because he asked her to cover for him she was just as dead as him. _Ugh.I told him not to do this dumb shit! I'm going to kill him if I can't go to homecoming!_

Noah busted into her room. She hated that. She was too preoccupied with her own fate to yell at her little brother though. "Hey squirt. Yeah they will. They may never let him out of his room once they do though!"

"Do you know where he is? You guys are going to be in SO much trouble! Mommy is going to kill you both and I'm going to be an only child!" "Hm" Noah looked around the room "I think I'm going to make this my showroom, we just have to get rid of all this girly stuff!"

"Ugh. How about we get rid of you!" Emma threw her pillow at Noah. He caught it, poked his head out and flashed his million dollar smile! "You can't!" With quick reflexes and sass like his mom, brains and charisma like his dad, Noah Damien Drake was the perfect mix of his parents. A light in the Drake household.

Emma watched her little brother leave. As the eldest she always felt responsible for her little brothers even though it was times like these where they drove her crazy. Danny was her best friend and she adored Noah. The three of them looked out for each other. Emma was the responsible one, Danny the adventurous one and Noah was a wild card. Noah was so smart any trouble he got himself into he was able to talk his way out of. Emma always pointed out the flaws in her brothers' plans or how they were going to get caught, they always did.

Danny was out of his mind but he knew if he could just get into his room past his parents and fall out on his bed he would be okay. _Damnit._ Getting past his parents was nearly an impossible task. He would never hear the end of it. He wasn't a bad kid and aside from a few experiments that went awry he was a pretty good kid, at least he thought. He never got into too much trouble, at least not like some of the kids at his school. He had never skipped school, done drugs or drank alcohol… until tonight. Just the latter though. _Just two stories… I can do it... as long as I don't fall and break my face. Holy Shit! I'm so drunk but falling to my face seems like a better outcome than mommy and daddy catching me like this… yeah definitely better! Okay. I can do this._

Danny climbed onto the air conditioning unit and used the branch of the tree outside his window to pull himself up. Once he balanced himself on the branch he scooted forward to climb onto the small ledge outside his window. Danny took out the pen he used to keep prop the window open just enough so he could get back into his room. He pushed the window open and practically fell into the room. _Shit.I hope no one heard that. I can't believe I made it._ Danny got up to close his door, the room was spinning in five different directions and he wasn't quite sure how that was possible. He didn't see his little brother hiding under the desk. As Danny's back was turned Noah crawled from out of his brother's desk, ran up and pushed him as he yelled "GOTCHA!"

Danny jumped instinctively, turned and pushed Noah. Before he could register it was his little brother, he had already sent Noah crashing into the corner of the desk where his head hit before hitting the ground.

"OH SHIT! Oh My God!"

Emma heard a loud bang come from the hall and Danny's curse. She got up and ran to see what happened.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god Noah! Can you hear me?"

Noah lay lifeless on the floor of his brother's room.

"What the hell Dan- OMG NOAH! What the fuck happened?"

"He came up behind me, I didn't know, I didn't realize it was him." Danny panicked.

"So you sent him through a wall? Oh my god he's not moving! Call 911 and then call Daddy!"

Danny frantically called 911 while Emma talked to her unconscious baby brother. She knew not to try and move him so she got down and laid with him on the floor. Danny finished his call to 911 and then went to call his dad.

"Danny! Where are you? We've been worried sick about you! Why didn't you call me or mom?" Danny was able to calmly call the paramedics and tell them everything they needed to know but as soon as he heard his dad's voice, his panic rose and suddenly he couldn't think or speak clearly.

"Daddy! I'm so sorry! I didn't know he was in here! I'm so sorry!"

"Danny! What's going on?" Sam was sitting next to Patrick in passenger's seat. She could sense something was amiss. Although she couldn't hear her son's words she could hear the fear in his voice and cadence. Sam mouthed "what's going on?" to Patrick.

"Danny, You have to slow down and tell me what's wrong." Patrick found the speaker button and pressed it so Sam could hear.

Emma took the phone from her distraught brother. "Daddy! It's Noah! There was an accident. We called the paramedics, he's unconscious!"

Patrick gave the phone to Sam as he sped up and weaved through traffic to get home.

Patrick and Sam pulled up to their house with an ambulance sitting outside. Sam practically jumped out the car and ran into the house before Patrick could even put the car in park. Once in park Patrick dashed in after her.

Sam ran into Danny's room as Noah was being placed on a gurney. "Oh my god, baby you're going to be okay, mama's here." Sam whispered as she kissed her beautiful brunette son on the forehead.

"Ma'am we have to go."

"Okay, I'm riding with him." Sam left the room to go to Noah's room and get his squishy. Noah was a little savant and he prided himself on his intelligence. He knew he wasn't like the rest of the kids his age, his interests were more developed and he had that Drake charm to boot. Sam loved that aspect of him but she also loved those moments when he was just her baby boy. She could remember when Noah was just turning two. Lucas brought him a stuffed lion for his birthday. The first time Noah held the stuffed animal he dubbed him "squishy." He took his squishy everywhere and couldn't sleep without it. He would stare at airplane models for hours on end and was content with squishy sitting right next him.

Patrick watched as the paramedics loaded his son into the back of the ambulance. Patrick wiped at the tear that ran down his face.

Sam ran out the house, squishy in tow and hugged Patrick briefly before getting into the back of the ambulance. "I'm going to grab a few things, get the kids and meet you at the hospital. I love you."

"Okay, I love you too."

Emma and Danny watched from the porch as the ambulance took off with their baby brother. Tears stained Emma's face.

Danny felt nausea in the pit of his stomach and turned just in time to pelt the bushes with the contents of his stomach.

* * *

Patrick ripped through Noah's room packing a bag for him, his mind was racing a mile a minute but he needed to focus on the task at hand he couldn't let his emotions get to him. He needed to be there for his family. Patrick finished packing a bag for Noah and Sam, he knew she wouldn't leave the hospital for a while. He walked out into the family room and Emma ran straight into his arms. "Daddy!"

Patrick cradled her head to his chest, "It's gonna be okay sweetheart. Noah is going to be just fine. We need to go see mama at the hospital though, okay?" He wiped her tears as she nodded. "Where's your brother?" Danny walked in at that moment. Patrick could see Danny's disheveled appearance but didn't have time to address it. He needed to get to the hospital for Sam and Noah. "If you guys are coming with me then you need to be in the car, like now."

Sam held Noah's hand through the ambulance ride to the hospital and told to him he was going to be okay and she was there. He was still unconscious be she prayed everything she told him was true and he could sense her presence. Patrick and the kids weren't far behind them arriving to the hospital. She stayed with Noah until Patrick asked her to wait with the kids while they performed tests.

* * *

Danny approached his mom, "Don't. Daniel if I was you, I wouldn't speak to me right now," she never looked at him and there was an edge to her voice that he'd never heard before, at least not with him. He'd heard that edge before with his dad and grandpa Julian, sometimes even with his daddy, Patrick but never him. She was livid. Danny walked back to the other side of the waiting room, dejected. He could tell she was ready to explode, he rather it not be in the middle of the hospital. The silence was back.

Emma laid across the hospital chairs with her head on Sam's lap, as she stroked her hair, "He's going to be okay right Mama? Daddy is going to make sure he is okay?"

"I hope so, baby." Sam was numb, she couldn't believe her baby boy was fighting for his life. She was angry at the same time. A lot of that anger was directed toward Danny, if she hadn't been looking for him… she couldn't finish the thought, she felt guilty. Danny was drunk out of his mind. She could smell it on him but the reality didn't hit her until she was able to see his bloodshot eyes under the florescent lights of the hospital. He must have gone partying. She was so worried and searching franticly for him, meanwhile he was having a grand time and her baby, her eight year old was lying in the hospital. She couldn't help but think that if she were home it wouldn't have happened. But faced with the same situation, she wouldn't do anything differently. She wouldn't have been any less worried for Danny.

So many thoughts.

Noah was such a sweet kid. Smart like his father and a smart mouth like her. It seemed to get him in trouble almost as much as hers used to get her in trouble. He was adventurous too but clumsy. Sam figured he got that from her too. Both of her boys were adventurous, Danny was always a little more smooth though. Noah, in half Danny's life had raked in at least double the hospital bills.

Patrick came from the back, worry spread across his face, "Sam, come on"

"You guys stay here." Sam ran towards Patrick and they went to see their son.

Emma and Danny watched their parts leave to see their brother, "Why didn't you tell them it was me, that I pushed him down?"

Emma was so angry with her brother but felt for him at the same time.

"Because, I didn't want to lose two brothers in one night." Danny felt the bile in stomach mixed with the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed start to rise at the implication that they could lose his little brother and it would have been all his fault. He couldn't contain it and he got sick all over the floor.

Emma stood there as her brother emptied the contents of his stomach right next to her. She felt no desire to help him. "I'd suggest you get sober before you see mama and daddy again."

Emma walked away and left her brother, hunched over on the floor.

Danny sat on the cold hospital floor physically sick with himself and what he had done. Would his family ever forgive him? Had he caused any permanent damage to his baby brother? He sat for what seemed like hours but only ten minutes passed. He contemplated everything from the day Noah was brought home and he finally had a baby brother to play with to how a night of promised fun and new experiences could end so horribly. He was so drunk he couldn't stand himself, but he also couldn't leave.

A nurse went over to help Danny and called a custodian to clean up the mess.

"Thank you but I'm okay. I just need to sleep it off"

"Sir, is there someone I can call to come get you?"

"No. I'll be fine, I just need some air" Danny walked outside and closed his eyes trying to feel the cool air on his cheeks. He took a deep breath in hopes of calming his stomach. Nope. That didn't work. He turned towards the bushes just in time to miss the pavement.

Danny was a lucky kid, he always felt like he was blessed to have three parents to turn to. All three provided different perspectives so he could choose which one was the best for the situation. His mom was his rock and she was good for pretty much any situation. Sometimes she felt more like a best friend than a mom but he was very aware when she was in 'mommy mode.' She wasn't like most other moms. She gave very practical and sometimes unorthodox advice. He respected his mom more than anything. His dad was pretty great too. He had an amazing ability to take even the most complex problem and simplify it to a bottom line. He too was practical. Patrick, whom he called 'daddy' because he was the first father he knew, wasn't his biological dad but he felt no different than one just as Emma felt no different than a biological sister, she was certainly no less bossy. His daddy was the person he could go to when he needed a laugh or brutal honesty. He had a way about him to be able to make light of a situation but he could also call people out on their bullshit, including Danny himself.

Right now Danny needed all three of his parents but he would have to settle for his dad. His mom and Patrick needed to focus on his baby brother. Danny pulled out his cell phone and called his dad.

"Morgan."

Danny hadn't realized the emotion he had built, "Dad, I messed up tonight, real bad. Can you come get me?"

Jason was relieved to hear his son's voice. He had been in his car driving all around town looking for him after Sam's distressed call. He was frustrated that he hadn't heard anything back from her yet and he had exhausted all of the places he knew to look.

"Danny, thank god you're okay, where are you? I'm on my way."

"I'm at the hospital."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine dad, it's not me. I'll explain when you get here. I'm just outside the main entrance"

"Okay, I'm five minutes away" Jason hung up the phone.

* * *

Sam looked at her precious son hooked up to machines. He looked like such a baby. Noah was tall for his age, height he so clearly inherited from his father. When he was two the family always joked he'd be taller than Sam in six months. That became a running joke, Noah always only had six months before he would be taller than his mother. Sam was almost certain that would be true now. Six months. Would he be the same adventurous kid in six months? Would he still be a happy kid? Sam prayed this night wouldn't have devastating effects six months down the road for Noah.

"He suffered a seizure from the head trauma. He's stable now but we won't know if there was any permanent damage until he wakes up." Patrick walked over to his wife and rubbed the small of her back as he too looked on at his son. His boy.

"He's gonna be fine and ripping through the house again in no time. He's a strong kid" Sam wiped a stray tear and smiled through her heartache. It wasn't a full smile.

Patrick was constantly in awe of his wife. She was the strongest woman he knew. Her determination and persistence was something he loved about her, although it was also aggravating as hell. She was stubborn. She fought for what she wanted and didn't back down until she got it. He was grateful for her determination in this case. As a doctor, he lived by science. Medical facts, scans, tests, etc were the rules that governed his world. As a father, hope was his stronghold, it was a lot less reliable and lacked any kind of factual data. He too hoped to be chasing his son through the house and playing kickball in the backyard with the family.

* * *

Danny didn't speak much on the way home. His head was pounding and he just wanted to be alone. He sprinted up the stairs towards his room as soon as he got in the door. "Danny, wait!" Jason called after him and Danny turned around. "Are you going to tell me what happened? And not the part where you decided to get drunk with your friends and have Patrick, your mom and I worried about you. The rest? Why did I just pick you up from the hospital?"

"Dad, can we talk about it in the morning?"

Jason stared at his son.

"Please?" Danny pleaded.

Jason relented, "here," he walked over to the mini fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and some Tylenol from the drawer. "Take some tonight, it'll help you in the morning."

"Thanks dad." Danny went up to his room.

Jason opened his phone and dialed Sam's number, he still wasn't able to reach her. "Sam, it's me. Danny is here with me. He's gonna stay the night. Give me a call when you get this please!"

Jason was concerned that he hadn't heard anything from Sam or Patrick for a while. He sent a quick text to Patrick to let him know when Danny was.

* * *

 _Excited to write this story, I've pretty much got the whole thing outlined! I hope you all enjoy it! FYI: Jason in my head is SBu's Jason. Let's just say he came back, face in tact but things didn't work out between he and Sam. lol Now go tell me what you think! Review! :)_

 _~KJ_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sam woke up in the ICU awkwardly lying in the chair next to her son's bed. "Good Morning," Patrick greeted her as he looked up from the chart in his hands. He stood, handed her a coffee and kissed her on the cheek.

"Morning, how's he doing?" Sam stretched the knot formed in her back from the awkward position.

"His scans look good. It's just a waiting game right now. We have to wait for him to wake up and then wait for more tests." Patrick spent most of the night looking over Noah's scans. The other portions were spent watching him breathe and Sam sleep. Well, Sam didn't sleep so much as she tossed and turned. He worried… about Noah, Sam, Danny and Emma, separately and as a unit. He wouldn't allow it to show though.

Sam took her son's hand, "waiting isn't really my strong suit. It's not his either."

Patrick laughed, "I know, that kid has even less patience than you! Remember when you made the very crucial mistake of telling him you had all of his birthday presents a month before his birthday? The thought that those presents were somewhere in the house was too much! He tore through the entire house searching for them and that was when he wasn't playing us to see which one would crack first!"

Sam smiled at the memory of Noah's sixth birthday, "he's one smooth kid, thank goodness we moved his celebration up a week because I was going to crack!" Patrick agreed, "me too! Maybe his impatience will bode well for us. He's gotta wake up and finish his latest drone. "

There was a light knock on the door as Emma came in the room with flowers. "Hi daddy, mamma… how's Noah? Emma walked over and gave her parents a hug and kiss. She looked at her little brother, "Hey squirt! You gotta wake up so you can continue to annoy me by busting into my room without knocking."

"He's doing okay, he's a strong kid and he's got his family to support him." Patrick wrapped a hand around his daughter and wife. "How did you sleep? I can't imagine you got much since you're back so early. You needed to rest more, Grandma Anna only picked you up at 2am. Did you eat?"

I'm fine daddy, I've had enough all-nighters to be able to function on a couple of hours of sleep. Plus I wanted to be here. Grandma said she would be back later but to give her an update.

* * *

Danny woke up and it felt like someone was continuously beating the back of his head with a bat. _This is what a hangover feels like, I'm not fond of it._ He was able to get himself up and dressed and made his way down stairs. He needed to go to the hospital. He wasn't sure how his mom would react to him but maybe she had some time to cool off. He fucked up and he needed to make it right. Jason walked out of the kitchen with a plate of food in his hands. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great." Danny responded as he rubbed his head.

"Well, that's generally a side effect. Here, eat this." Jason set the plate down with an omelet and toast. And a green shake.

"What's that?" Danny pointed to the slimy looking drink.

"Medicine. It doesn't taste as bad as it looks but it'll help." Jason explained as Danny sat down to eat.

"I talked to Patrick, I heard what happened with Noah." Danny sighed. He knew this conversation was coming, he just didn't want to have it.

"Did he tell you Mommy hates me." Danny scrunched his face as he attempted to try the green shake.

"Your mom doesn't hate you."

"Yeah, you didn't see her furious at me last night. She wouldn't even look at me." He played with the food on his plate.

"Should she have been _happy_ that you were out god knows where drinking your face off? That you lied to all of us? That she was worried sick about you?" Jason questioned.

Danny was silent as he stared at his plate.

"I asked you a question."

"No." He spoke barely above a whisper.

"She may have been angry and upset, disappointed even, Iike I am... and Patrick. But she doesn't hate you." He paused, "why?"

"I don't know Dad. I just wanted to try it. I never do _anything_ and it looked fun. But it wasn't and I'm never drinking again. I'm sorry."Danny had always relished in having three parents, more support, encouragement, gifts… but he hadn't seen the down downside until now. Having three parents meant having more people disappointed in you when you messed up and it kinda sucked.

"Look, I'm not going to come down on you too hard because you are dealing with a lot right now but what happened last night? Lying, drinking and whatever else went on is not acceptable. Don't let it happen again, okay?"

"Okay…. Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you take me to the hospital? I need to make sure Noah is okay and apologize to mom."

"Yes, you almost ready" Danny finished the rest of the shake, "That stuff is gross but I do feel a little better." Jason chuckled, "I know, come on."

* * *

Danny came off the elevator and saw his sister and mom in deep conversation. The nerves in his body seemed to be racing but he pushed through. As he got closer Sam turned towards him and he could see it. _She knows_. He feared she wouldn't be able to forgive him. "I'm so sorry mommy" he stopped just before he reached them.

"Danny," Sam's eyes softened "Come here." She motioned as she wrapped her eldest son in a hug. "it's not your fault sweetie." She pulled his head into her chest, "but we _are_ going to have a chat about you drinking and getting drunk last night."

Danny felt some relief and the pressure start to fall although guilt still remained, "I'm sorry I didn't see him. I didn't think you would ever forgive me and it was an accident. I didn't know it was him. I just… I didn't mean to push him that hard." He couldn't stop the tears that stared to well in his eyes.

"What?" Sam pulled back to look at his face, she was confused. "You _pushed_ Noah into the corner of the desk because you were _drunk?_ " Her hands fell from his face and she took a half step back.

"Mom, I thought you knew…"

"Sam!" Alexis called from the other end of the hall. "It's Noah, they think he's starting to wake up!" Sam ran back towards her son's room.

"Fuck!" Danny ran his hands through his dark blonde locks. "I'm such an idiot!"

"You're not an idiot, no brother of mine is an idiot." Danny raised an eyebrow at his sister. "….I know I call you one sometimes… okay, all the time. But I don't mean it. You made a bad decision but you're not an idiot."

"Yeah, I made more than just one. If he's hurt bad… I just.."

"He's waking up Danny! You heard grandma. That's a good sign. He's gonna be okay, like Daddy said." Emma tried to comfort her brother.

"He has to be!" Danny sat down with his elbows on his knees as Emma sat beside him and rested her chin on his shoulder. "He's a Drake, we aren't built with glass." Emma added with a half-smile at her brother. Danny returned the half smile, "I thought you were mad at me?"

"I was… when you were drunk, you're not anymore. I didn't like seeing you like that."

"I might not be drunk anymore but I still feel like shit."

"Well, I don't doubt that, you look like shit." Emma quipped and Danny lightly shoved her. "Let's go see our baby brother. Maybe that will help."

Danny hesitated, "yeah maybe… but you go ahead. I saw something at the gift shop I want to get for him."

"Okay." Emma hugged Danny before he walked towards the elevators.

* * *

Sam held Noah's hand as she watched his eyes flutter open, "Hi baby!"

"Mommy?" Noah started to pull at the tubes in his nose and she placed her hand over his to stop him "It's okay sweetie, it's to help you breathe better. You gave us a little scare but it's okay!" She placed a soft kiss on his forehead. "I have something for you," Sam pulled out the stuffed lion and placed it into his outstretched arms. "Squishy!" Noah exclaimed. Sam laughed, "I thought you might like it, how are you feeling?"

"My head hurts mommy."

"Yeah, you hit your head hard but daddy and the other doctor's took really good care of you."

"Where's daddy?" Patrick and Alexis were outside the door watching mother and son. "You guys must be hungry I'll go pick up something." Alexis left her grandson, daughter and son-in-law to have their moment. Patrick took the opportunity to walk in to see his son. "I'm right here buddy!" Patrick kissed him on the top of his head.

Noah smiled, "Daddy I finished my drone, finally!" Patrick and Sam glanced at each other, "He hits his head and rushed to the hospital and the first thing he wants to tell you about is his drone!" Sam finished, laughing. Patrick joined her, "that's our kid!"

"Daddy can we test it? It should be the highest flying one! The motor is so powerful! I can't wait to show it to you and Danny too! Can we go today?"

Patrick pulled out his pen and began running basic tests on him. He remembered the very first drone model kit he had bought for Noah and they bonded putting it together. At the time he didn't realize Noah would become completely enthralled and his fascination would take on a life of his own. It wasn't long before he was customizing the model kits to his own preferred specifications. Danny always joined them when they did their test runs. He was proud to share his hobby with his sons. "I can't wait to see it but we have to make sure you're okay first."

"I'm okay, I promise! See!" Noah smiled as wide as he could as he hugged his squishy to his chest.

"Well, you passed the 'adorable' test, now we just gotta make sure you pass the other tests and everything else is that head of yours is okay." Patrick playfully poked his chest.

"I ace _everything_ , so that's not a problem!" Noah enthused.

Sam laughed, "he's got a point."

Patrick winked, "You might be right. He's got energy, there seems to be very little confusion. These are all good signs," he looked to his wife with a small nod.

"Oh good, I heard a certain pint sized Drake was awake!" Emma walked in the room.

"Of course mommy's awake!" Noah easily redirected. Patrick erupted with laughter and Sam was only slightly amused. "I didn't say it!," Emma defended as she chuckled.

"Hey! It's not _that_ funny Patrick." She turned her gaze to her son "And just because you're in this hospital bed doesn't mean you can't still get in trouble!" Sam feigned her upset.

"Sorry mommy!" Noah giggled.

"Well she's _my_ pint sized Drake!" Patrick stood to kiss Sam, she turned her head as she rolled her eyes and he settled for her cheek.

"I'm going to check on getting the other tests for him," Patrick stated as he left the room.

"Where's Danny?" Sam asked.

"He's coming he just had to pick up something first." Emma answered.

Noah felt slight dizziness before he started to convulse. The alarms on the machines sounded. "Noah!" Sam rushed to hold him "Patrick!" Emma ran out into the hall "Daddy! HELP! Noah!" Patrick sprinted back down the hall to get to his son's aid. He turned Noah on his side as vomit and foam poured out of his mouth. The nurses dashed in to assist Patrick. They held him until his body was still and the seizure ended.

Sam held onto Emma in the corner as they watched Patrick and the nurses' work on the little boy. "We need to take him for a CT scan, now!" Patrick instructed as the medical personal prepared Noah for the testing and wheeled him out of the room. Patrick walked over to Sam and Emma. "What just happened? He was _fine_ a moment ago!" The urgency was evident in Sam's voice. "Baby I'm going to figure it out. The CT scans will give me a better idea of what is going on and we will go from there." Patrick responded.

"You said the other scans looked okay?"

"The preliminary scans did but I'm going to look at different angles to get a fuller picture. I have to go, I'll be back to let you know everything. I love you." Patrick kissed her forehead and then reached over to kiss Emma's before running out of the room down the hall. He ran past Danny, "Daddy?" he questioned. "Take care of your mother and sister!" Patrick yelled back.

Danny rushed to the room, his arms filled with little gadgets, games and balloons he picked up from the gift shop for Noah, "I just saw Daddy running down the hall, what happened? Where's Noah?"

"He had another seizure, they took him for testing." Sam wiped at a lone tear as she held on to Emma crying in her arms.

* * *

"Sam," Patrick walked back into the room, "Can I talk to you outside?" Sam quickly moved to follow him.

"What happened with the tests?"

"He's stable right now but Sam… he has brain aneurysm." Sam gasped and covered her mouth. "I know. We need to do an emergency surgery tonight to relieve the blood vessel before it bursts. If we don't he could have another seizure and if it busts… Patrick paused and shook his head. "We need to do the surgery tonight."

"My God. Brain surgery? Aneurysm? He's only eight. This can't be real." Sam was in disbelief. "Will he… will he suffer brain damage from the surgery?" She was afraid to ask but she needed to know everything.

"It's a possibility, anytime someone undergoes brain surgery there's a high risk but Sam…the alternative."

"I know, I just need to know." She wiped at seemingly unending flow of tears.

Patrick grabbed her hand and held onto it "Sam, it's against protocol for me to do the surgery because he's my son but I don't―I don't want anyone else working on him! There's paperwork."

Sam looked in his eyes, "Baby, you are the top neurosurgeon in the country and you know there is no one I trust more with our son's life in their hands than you but I need you to be honest with me, honest with yourself." Patrick nodded, "I need you to promise me when you go into that operating room you won't get distracted it's Noah, that you will be sharp, precise and focused on saving our son. Can you do that?"

"Yes." Patrick didn't hesitate. "Then I don't give a damn about protocol and you are the _only_ person I want to do the surgery." Sam grabbed the consent form out of his hand and signed it.

They embraced before he turned to leave. She pulled him back and kissed him passionately. Their foreheads rest together as their lips broke apart and she spoke softly but firm, "take care of our baby, okay?"

Patrick took a deep breath to fight the emotion bubbling up, "I will." He used his thumbs to wipe the tears on her face. "I will," he repeated before kissing her again briefly. "I have to go."

Sam watched her husband leave as he went to save their son. Noah would pull through, she'd will it so. There was no other outcome acceptable in her mind yet her heart bared an unfamiliar weight at the thought her eight year old baby boy was about to undergo brain surgery.

* * *

 _First, I apologize if any of you are medical professionals, I'm not and WebMD does not a degree make. Second, Jake doesn't exist is this story, he's still an organless speedbump. lol Anywhoooo sorry for the rest! lmao but yell at me in a review! I'll appreciate it more! :)_

 _~KJ_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Patrick slammed his fist into the locker door in tandem with the soul crushing sob he let out. The ache he felt in his entire being was all consuming. He slid down the wall as he grabbed at his chest. He couldn't face her, not yet. He needed to get this out and pull himself together. _I failed him…. her… them._ He told Sam if he didn't do the surgery the aneurysm would burst on Noah's next seizure and he wouldn't make it. That was true but what he hadn't told her was the location of the aneurysm was nearly impossible to get surgically _without_ busting it and that was the plan. Patrick would try to control the burst and minimize any damage. Essentially he was detonating the time bomb in his son's head while attempting to contain and control the debris, an impossible task for anyone but him. For him it was only _nearly_ impossible but his entire career thrived in that small percentage. He was everything he needed to be, fast, sharp and focused but preparation was no match for unpredictability.

Patrick went over to the sink to wash his face, he looked down at his hands and all he could see was his son's blood… his smile, laugh, mischievous, curiosity, brilliance, blood, humor, adventure, blood… blood. There was nothing there but he scrubbed at his hands anyway and then drowned his face in the water. He pulled himself together as best he could, he had to tell her.

* * *

"Sweetie do you want to sit down?" Alexis had been watching her daughter pace the same ten feet for the last hour. The family had gathered in Patrick's office where they could have some privacy while waiting for the surgery to finish. Danny sat next to his grandmother, staring at the ground and Molly was on the other side. Anna sat with Emma in her arms. She had finally calmed down from witnessing her brother's violent seizure but the silent tears still ran down her face. Kristina was in the middle of co-producing a fashion show in New York City when she got word of Noah's condition. She was going to book a flight as soon as the show was over. Julian was on a business trip and Alexis had not yet been able to get a hold of him.

"The surgery should be over by now." Sam nervously wrung her hands through her hair as she continued to pace. Alexis made sure Molly was okay before standing to walk over to her daughter. "Sam, why don't you just sit for a bit, you know Patrick will be right here as soon as it's over."

Sam continued to pace, "Lucas hasn't been back to give an update for a while." She stopped suddenly and looked at her mom, "If everything was going okay he would be back right? He would have told us it was fine. Right?" she searched for reassurance in her mother's eyes.

"You can't over think it, it's going to drive you crazy."

"You're right. He's fine. He has to be." She picked back up where she left off pacing.

Alexis walked in front of her to physically stop her and placed her hands on the side of Sam's head, "Hey, look at me… take a deep breath with me" Sam hesitated but followed suit shortly after. They took a few more breaths together, "Come on," Alexis led Sam to the seat next to Molly and sat on the other side. She placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

Sam couldn't shake the sinking feeling she felt, she looked up and saw Patrick as he approached the door. Everything she needed to know was written across his face. His eyes were trained her as soon as he entered the room. Her hands started to shake and her head followed, "No… No! NO!" She stood and closed half the distance between them.

"Sam" Patrick whispered. Emma started to cry harder into Anna's arms as she witness her mother's growing upset. Molly turned into Alexis as she put her arms around her and Danny.

" _WHERE_ is he!? I need to see him! Sam demanded as she stepped back from Patrick who had approached her. "Sam I need you to listen to me, _please._ " Emotion bubbled as he pleaded with his wife. "No!" Her head shook vigorously as she escaped his outstretched arms and darted out of the room. She needed to see her little boy.

* * *

Sam looked on as her son lay still. The only times she could remember him being so still was when he was knocked out asleep. Generally he was a wild sleeper but only when he was really exhausted did he lie still. She could name countless times she woke up with bruises when he was little sleeping in bed with them. The last time they allowed it he kicked her in the face giving her black eye. Patrick put a stop to it then, he couldn't have his wife walking around looking like a battered woman. If Noah did fall asleep with them Patrick would carry him to his room.

"We had to put him in a medically induced coma." Patrick stood behind Sam as she looked through the window of the ICU unit Noah was in. "The aneurysm… it was too hard to reach without causing other damage. I had to bust it and control the bleed. He crashed on the table… we revived him but it was too risky to continue." Patrick stepped forward so he was standing next to her. Neither glanced at the other and they continued to look at their son through the window.

"Is he…. Brain-dead?" She was afraid to ask and even more afraid of the answer.

"No. There's slow activity but he's not brain dead." They both let the silence settle in for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts.

"He pushed him." Sam was the first to break the silence and spoke barely above a whisper.

"Huh?" Patrick asked as they made eye contact for the first time. "Danny… he pushed him into the corner of the desk." She paused, "…because he was drunk."

Patrick's head fell to his hands as he wiped the brimming tears that escaped.

"One of my son's is lying in the hospital in a coma and my other put him there…. How do I process that?" She searched Patrick's eyes for an answer.

Danny stood around the corner listening to his parent's conversation. He'd heard all he needed to hear. He turned around and walked back to the office. The sounds of the bustling hospital fell on deaf ears as he made his way back. He could see people moving but there was no sound. He could feel a part of himself vanish.

"How do we help _him_ process that? ….You know when you're on an airplane and they tell you in case of an emergency to put your oxygen mask on before putting on your child's? Patrick nodded. "I can't… I can't find my mask right now, it didn't eject and I don't know how to put his on." She let out a breath as the tears she'd kept at bay came pouring out.

Patrick engulfed her in his arms "We'll find it together baby," She broke and he broke with her.

* * *

"I want to move out." Danny stated to his parents. It had been a week since Noah's surgery and not much had changed with his condition but _everything_ had changed for Danny.

"And go _where?_ " Patrick asked in shock.

"To my dad's. I already talked to him about it and he said I could live with him." _Okay, so maybe those weren't his exact words, I just need her to agree and then I will have met his condition._

"Well, he didn't exactly run that by me before he told you it was okay to move in with him. And it doesn't work like that. You're sixteen, you don't get to just _decide_ where you live." Sam spoke up.

"Why do you want to move out? And why now with everything going on?" Patrick questioned his son.

"I've never lived with my dad and I just want the chance to get closer to him. I've been thinking about it for a while now, even before…" He trailed off. "I'll be a senior next year and then I'll be in college and I won't have much more opportunity after that. There's no time like the present." He was hesitant to state his real reason for wanting to move out to his mom.

"No." Sam stated simply as she stood from the couch and walked to the other side of the room.

"Just like that. Mommy you won't even think about it?" Danny protested.

"No," Sam repeated. "I have thought about it and my answer is no. End of discussion." She walked back to her bedroom to shower and lie down. She needed to get out of her clothes that smelled like the hospital she'd been in all day.

"Daddy, can you talk to her please?" Danny moved to sit next to his dad.

"I don't know what you want me to say when I happen to agree with her. We need to stay together as a family right now."

"You don't understand..." he whispered, "I can't be in that room. Every time I walk in there I see it happening all over again. I can see the outline of his blood on the floor. Grandma did her best to clean it up but I can still see it, I see him… on the floor. I tried to stay in there one night and it was awful. I just, I can't do it daddy. It's going to destroy me. Can you please talk to her?" Danny pled his case.

Patrick moved his hand to Danny's far shoulder and pulled him into a hug. He could see Danny's guilt was nagging at him and it broke his heart. "I'll talk to her. It's not a guarantee though" Danny nodded in understanding. "It's not your fault." Patrick whispered as he kissed the top of his head.

* * *

"Hey," Patrick moved to sit on the bed with his wife.

"Is it settled? I'm sure he asked you to talk to me. I hope you told him no."

"Maybe it's a good idea. He'll have some of the pressure taken off his shoulders." He reasoned.

"You can't be serious. Having _another_ child of mine away from me is _not_ a good idea, Patrick." She shook her head vigorously at the notion.

"Just hear me out please?"

"Fine." She looked at him expectantly.

"He feels guilty Sam. He didn't say it directly but I could sense it all over him and staying in that room where it happened? That can't be good for him. I don't think sleeping in Noah's room would be any better and he can't just sleep on the couch indefinitely. Maybe, _temporarily,_ a little separation from that room and that night will help him."

Sam let out a breath, "temporarily?"

" _Just_ temporarily" He repeated.

Sam thought for a moment, "whatever," She was too tired to argue and turned away from her husband as she laid her head on the pillow. She stared at nothing in particular and could feel Patrick's uncertain gaze on her. "Are you going to stare at me all night or are you gonna go tell him?"

* * *

"What are you doing?" Emma peeked her head in her brother's room.

"Moving out, I'm going to stay with my dad."

"What? No way momma and daddy agreed to that!" She stepped further into the room.

"Well they did and I'm going. I can't stay here." He looked at the spot on the floor that haunted him.

"So you're just going to leave me?"

"No I'm not, you'll see me at school, every day." Danny continued packing his clothes and tossed items from around the room into his bag.

She moved her head to the side, "That's not the same."

He stopped packing and walked over to her, "Em, I promise you even though I'm living at my dad's I will continue to do my duty as your little brother and annoy the shit out of you!" he put his fingers up in earnest, "scouts honor." He saw a smile crack and she lightly chuckled. "I'll visit on the weekends or you can visit me and we can still have breakfast together before school, you just have to take less than five hours to get ready in the morning!"

"Shut up! I do not!" She playfully hit him on the shoulder.

He laughed, "close enough, Noah and I counted!"

She laughed, "that's because you guys have nothing better to do!" her laughter turned silent as realization set in. She continued, "I miss him!"

Danny hugged her, "I do too!"

* * *

Patrick awoke from his restless sleep. He turned towards his wife only to feel the cold sheets. He lifted his head and took a quick scan of the room and bathroom door to see if she was sitting elsewhere or if the light was on. He got up when he didn't see her. As he walked down the hall he noticed Noah's door was left slightly ajar. He peered in "Sam, are you in here?" he called out as he walked further in the room. He didn't see her but the object sitting on Noah's desk caught his eye. He walked over to better inspect, recognizing what it was as he got closer, "he really finished it." A small smile crept onto his face. Patrick picked up the drone and marveled at his son's latest project. He tried to blink the tears away as the thought of it being his last project ran through his mind. He quickly buried it as he continued to check out the features and detail his son put into the drone. He'd installed a go pro camera with remote control, a stabilization feature and a GPS tracker. Noah's genius always amazed Patrick. He gently placed the drone back down and left out and briefly checked on Danny and Emma before continuing his search for his wife.

Patrick saw Sam sitting on the stoop through the window pane. He picked up a blanket from the couch and headed out the door. "Can't sleep?"

Sam sat on the stoop staring up at the stars when she heard Patrick behind her. Slightly startled by his voice she turned back to look at him. She hadn't heard the door open.

He placed the blanket around her shoulders as he sat next to her.

"Yeah. I didn't want to wake you so I came out here. The stars… they help me think sometimes."

"I know," Patrick said as he looked to the sky with her.

"I just can't figure out how we got to this moment. _Here_. I keep replying that day in my head. From the moment I woke up until the moment they put our little boy on that stretcher. What decision did I make to lead us here? Every decision might have led to a different destination, you know? Should I have worn boots instead of sneakers? Not gone into the office? Should I have driven him to school that morning instead of letting him take the bus because he loves it? If I had called Danny sooner and figured out what was going on…if we had taken him with us to search for Danny…I can just imagine how the outcome from each scenario would lead us anywhere but here."

"I get it, trust me. I keep replying every decision I made in that operating room. It's like my entire career led up to that moment and what does it all matter if I can't even save my son!"

"He's not dead!" Sam snapped cutting him off.

"I know, I just mean…he's in a coma and not here with us, in his bed."

"I also keep thinking, what if this is karma, you know? I wasn't a good person before and maybe it's just all catching up to me. Maybe this pain is something I put in motion years ago."

He turned to look her in the eyes, "No. Don't say that. I don't understand why this happened but I _know_ it's not because of anything you did in this life or a past one. You _are_ a good person. Mistakes you may have made in the past shaped you to be an amazing woman. So don't doubt the good in you or carry around your past like it defines or dictates what happiness you're allowed to have because it doesn't. And it certainly has no bearing on what happened to our son."

She nodded, "I don't know much but I know he's going to wake up. He's going to be okay. He's too precious to this world not to. And we can't give up on him. He needs us, our strength, more than ever Patrick and we can't let him down."

He kissed her temple and pulled her close, "we won't." Silence fell over them as they both looked up to the sky searching for the answers to their infinite questions.

* * *

 _A/N: I'm really enjoying writing this, hope you all enjoy reading it. Thanks to all who have left comments! I appreciate them very much as I like to hear your thoughts! :)_

 _~KJ_


	4. Chapter 4: November

**Chapter 4: November**

"Surprise!" The Davis girls stood in the doorway of the Drake household holding an assortment of gift bags as Sam opened the door. As much as she loved her family, she really wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone especially since she knew they were there to "cheer her up." She was offended at the notion. It had been about a month and a half since Noah's surgery and he was going to be moved to a long term facility today. She hated it and fought with Patrick countless times over it but he argued the hospital wasn't equipped for his needs any longer. She knew it was bullshit. He was the Chief of Surgery and ran the hospital; he could have ensured Noah had what he needed. The idea of Noah going to a _long term_ facility turned her stomach.

"Hi guys," She stepped aside to let them in. "This really isn't necessary."

"Of course it is. We are here for you Sam" Molly said as she stepped in first and hugged her sister.

"Kristina, you didn't have to come home for this. It's not a big deal. I'm sure you've got important shows to produce, deadlines and such."

"Nothing is more important than my family!" Kristina insisted as she kissed Sam on the cheek.

"I second that!" Alexis said as she went to hug her eldest. She held on a bit longer and tighter, "We are going to get through today and then we will get through tomorrow. One day at a time." She pulled back to look at her face. Sam shook her head as emotion threatened to take over. She wiped her tears and took a deep breath to collect herself.

"Where's Emma? She's an honorary Davis Girl too!" Molly asked as she set some of the bags down.

"She's still getting ready, she should be out in a bit. Patrick is already at the hospital and Jason's gonna drop Danny off at the hospital." Sam informed.

"Well we brought some breakfast from Kelly's." Kristina began pulling the food out.

"Thank you, I'm sure Emma will appreciate a nice meal. I'm not that hungry though." Sam moved to sit on the end chair."

Alexis watched her daughter as she walked the length of the room, she'd lost some weight, no doubt from the stress over the last two months. Sam was already a petite woman so loosing even five pounds was noticeable. She worried about her daughter, "You should eat something sweetie."

"I can't really eat anything right now." Sam explained.

"Maybe just eat a little something? There's muffins and bananas or maybe you can have some yog―"

"―I just said I'm not hungry mom, I'm not five! You don't need to police my eating!" Sam snapped at her mother just as Emma walked in the room.

"Hi" Emma said in a small voice cutting the tension as she walked over to give her aunts a hug. "Hi grandma Lex."

"Hi baby! You look beautiful" she gave Emma a big hug. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yea," Emma gave a half smile. "I could be better. I just wish we were bringing him home today instead."

"Me too," Alexis squeezed her hand in comfort.

Emma made herself a plate and grabbed a muffin to take with her for Danny, cinnamon was his favorite. _Daddy probably didn't eat either._ She grabbed another.

"Well we just wanted to give you and Noah something for his room…" Molly started. "So he knows he's always surrounded by family." Kristina finished as she handed Sam two gift bags.

Sam felt awkward, she really didn't see this day as an occasion for gifts but she knew it was only coming from a place of love so she obliged. She opened the first bag; it was an 8x11 photo frame of Sam, Patrick and a three year old Noah. The photo showcased Sam sitting in Patrick's arms on the floor as Noah lay on top of them with a mischievous grin. The photo was from a photo-shoot the Drake family took when Danny and Emma were elven and twelve. Sam placed her finger over Noah's face in the picture, her eyes welled, "look at that smile! He was up to no good even at three!" Sam laughed as she handed the photo to Emma. "He's so small," Emma commented.

Sam pulled out a second photo frame which housed several pictures, one of a pregnant Sam, another of the entire Drake family and a third photo with the Drake's, Davis Girls and Anna. Sam marveled at the frame for a bit, her eyes settled on the picture of her pregnant with Noah. She took herself back to that time. It was such a nice, stress free pregnancy. Noah would give her fits as night which made it hard to sleep but other than that it was pretty smooth sailing. She handed the frame to Emma as well.

Sam reached for the second bag and pulled out a handmade quilt with 'Noah' embroidered on it. The quilt was blue and green, his favorite colors with patches of different super heroes, airplane models and drones. "Wow, this is amazing!"

"We didn't want him to be cold." Kristina spoke up.

Sam looked up, "thank you, all of you." She traced his name with her finger, "He would really love this." Emotion took over as Sam couldn't hold back the tears any longer. She covered her face with her hands as she started to cry harder. Emma hugged her mom as her own tears began to fall. Kristina, Molly and Alexis joined the hug and they all cried together.

* * *

Danny revved the throttle and opened the bike up as fast as he could handle. Feeling the adrenaline rush as the wind beat his arms, he pushed the limit even further as he made a sharp turn and wiped out. The bike slide 20 feet away as he rolled hard in the opposite direction, landing face up in the dirt. Every part of his body was racing and for the time being he couldn't feel any pain. He let out an anguished scream filling the vast sky. He screamed until there was no more air in his lungs and he gasped. As he inhaled he heard the reverberates of the earth yelling back at him. His body shook as laughter took over. He felt a high he'd never experienced before. "Fuck, I deserved that." He stared up at the immense blue sky feeling small in its expanse.

Danny sat up, slid himself over and leaned against a large rock. The adrenaline began to cease and he started to feel the pain creep back, this time accompanied with its physical partner. Danny looked down at the scratches on his arms and then looked at the giant bruise on his leg. _At least it's not broken. Hurts like a bitch though._ He took a deep breath and rest his head against the rock.

Jason had an emergency come up and he had to leave town on business. Danny told him he'd text his grandmother for a ride to the hospital though he never planned to. He knew this was his opportunity to take his dad's motorcycle out for a spin. Jason had taken him out a few times on his bike and let him drive it with supervision but he would never allow him to go out on his own. He remembered enough to be able to ride it and clear his head.

Danny raised his right hand to the left side of his jacket and felt the outline of the bottle. He reached inside and pulled out the pint size plastic bottle of Jim Beam bourbon whiskey. He stared at the bottle for couple of minutes. Danny used to rock for support as he lifted himself into a standing position. He held on to his leg as pain shot through it. Limping over to the edge of the cliff he opened the bottle. "I'm sorry Noah! I never meant for any of this. I'm your big brother, I was supposed to protect you, not ruin the rest of your life!" He looked at the bottle, "And all for something so _stupid!_ " He tossed the bottle as hard as he could over the cliff and watched it descend until it hit the bottom.

Danny felt the well in his eyes, "You have to know I would trade places with you in a heartbeat…. I don't want to go today. It's not because I don't love you, I do. I just... don't deserve to be around the people I love…. I only cause them pain." He allowed the tears to freely fall, "I hope one day you can forgive me. Maybe even be proud of who I become? I'm going to get it right. I promise."

* * *

Patrick sat at his desk reading a chart as his mouthed along to the video playing on the television. He'd listened to it at least a hundred times. He didn't care to watch the images any more as he could envision it in his mind. This had become routine for him. He woke up several hours earlier than he needed so he could go through every incision and decision he made during Noah's surgery. As Chief Surgeon he had implemented all of the surgeries be recorded for teaching purposes and liability. The recordings however weren't to be viewed by anyone but him and the operating surgeon. He would delete them if he and the board determined there were no issues. He hadn't deleted Noah's surgery tape yet. He knew one of these days he would catch something he missed before. He had to. He had to learn why this happened to his son. So every day he read and reread Noah's charts while listening to the surgery. In a way it became a source of comfort for him, something to focus on.

He was so focused on the charts, he didn't hear her come in. "What the hell is _this_?" Patrick looked up, he didn't know how long she'd been there but he could tell it was long enough as he caught her piercing eyes, "Sam."

" _What are you doing?"_

Patrick sighed, he never wanted her to know his morning routine. He knew she wouldn't approve―understand it. "I have to study it, Sam. I need to be certain I didn't miss anything. That this was the _only_ outcome possible.

"So you sit around watching Noah being cut open all day?" She was vexed.

"It helps." He offered as he stood up from the desk.

"It helps what!? That's our _son_! This isn't an episode of Grey's Anatomy Patrick! Is this entertainment to you? Why don't you broadcast it on the projector so everyone can see. You can bring your buddies down, get some popcorn and we can just watch Noah crash on the table! That sounds like fun!" She waved her hands around as she worked herself up.

Patrick shook his head in frustration, "I knew you wouldn't understand! This is why I didn't tell you! I'm sorry I don't cope with things the way you do or the way you _want_ me to! … And for the record I don't _enjoy_ watching the tape. I watch it because I _have_ to."

"You have to!?" Sam questioned in a huff.

"Yes. It's the only thing I can do for him." He shot back.

"That's bullshit! You _could_ have put that effort into helping him stay here and get better instead of shipping him off to this fucking facility!"

"Sam, we've gone over this! There is nothing else General Hospital can do for him! He's better suited at another facility. We've exhausted all our resources!"

She shook her head, "I don't believe that. You are The Chief, you can _find_ more resources. You just won't!"

Patrick was baffled, "You can't possibly believe that. I want to help him and this is the only way I know how."

She walked over to the corner where the television hung, ripped the DVD player out of the wall and slammed it on the ground. Pieces of plastic flew up as it crashed on the floor. She stomped her boot on it and kicked it across the room. "Well now you'll have to find another way!" Sam stormed out of his office before he could respond. She brushed passed Anna who was about to enter the office.

Anna watched Sam flounce down the hall before turning back to Patrick as he punched a hole in the wall. She could see the seams starting to rip, "Patrick."

" _What!"_ Patrick yelled before turning around to notice Anna, "Oh Anna, I'm sorry."

"Bad time?" Anna stepped further into the office.

"You could say that."

"I just saw Sam leaving. Patrick, I hope I'm not over stepping but can I offer you something I've learned throughout my life?" Anna asked.

Patrick played with his knuckles to alleviate the pain from hitting the wall. He plopped down in his chair. "I'm doing this all wrong and I don't know how to make it better."

"There's no right way to grieve Patrick. And you can't make it better for her. You both were dealt a terrible blow…. Something no parent should ever have to go through. You each have to find a way to manage the pain but don't allow it to tear you apart."

"And what if I'm powerless to stop it?"

"Then you have to pick up the pieces and rebuild." She placed a comforting hand on his arm.

"Thank you. And thanks for being here today. Emma really needs you and I know it means a lot to Danny too.

"Are you kidding me? No, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your family. I wouldn't be anywhere else. Noah and Danny feel like my grandchildren too. Emma really adores her brothers."

"She does." He nodded in affirmation.

"Speaking of, how is Danny doing with all of this?"

Patrick sighed, "You know it's hard to tell sometimes. He keeps his emotions to himself but I think he has a lot of guilt from that night. Some days he seems to be okay and others I see he's trying to hide the pain. I think that's part of the reason he wanted to move out. I don't know. I don't know how to help him through this."

* * *

Danny peeked into the room where he saw his entire family gathered in light conversation. Noah Lay in the center hooked up to tubes. His view from afar was the closest he'd been to his little brother since that night. He moved back out of sight from anyone one possibly seeing him. _I don't belong here._

The blonde haired figure caught Emma's eye and she discreetly excused herself from the room. She spotted him limping away. "Danny, where are you going?" She whispered, "and what the hell happened to you?"

He stopped and turned around. "Em, I gotta get out of here. Can you cover for me?"

"No. I'm not gonna do anything for you until you spill. _What_ happened to you, why are you limping?"

"I fell" Danny stated.

"Danny you're one of the most coordinated people I know and simply falling wouldn't produce these scrapes on your arms." She held up his arms as he quickly put it back down. "Also, I wasn't born yesterday."

"If I tell you the truth, will you not rat me out to mommy and daddy?"

"If you tell me the truth, I'll think about it." Emma compromised.

"Fine, my dad let me ride his bike and I took a spill. You know they will freak if they found out and that's the last think they need to deal with today. Can you please just keep this between us?"

Emma thought about it for a while.

"Please!"

"Okay. But do me a favor and don't get yourself killed doing something stupid."

Danny laughed, "I won't."

She didn't, "I'm serious Danny."

He straightened his face, "I won't. I promise, thank you!"

Emma watched her brother limp away and started to search her brain for a cover story for him.

* * *

There's a song that's inside of my soul  
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again  
I'm awake in the infinite cold  
But you sing to me over and over and over again

Sam was exhausted from the events of the day… months. She couldn't remember the last time she had an actual full night's sleep. She would sleep for two hours tops but it was never restful. It was only just enough to get her body to continue to run on fumes. Mentally she had nothing left in the tank though. They had successfully transitioned Noah to his new facility. It was one of the hardest things she had ever done in her life. She couldn't compare it to burying her daughter because Noah was still very much alive and she knew he was somewhere in there regardless of what the doctors told her. She sat on the bed, "I just want to sleep." Patrick poured a pill from the bottle labeled Belsomra, into the cap. "Take this, it should help you sleep." He handed her a water bottle and watched her take the pill as she lay down. He kissed her softly on the head, "Sweet dreams love, I'll see you in the morning."

So I lay my head back down  
And I lift my hands  
and pray to be only yours  
I pray to be only yours  
I know now you're my only hope

"Mommy!" Sam turned towards the hushed voice behind her. "Where did you come from?" She whispered. Noah pointed to the left side of her chest. "You always say I'm your heart, remember?" She nodded. "But _apparently_ , I'm only a third of it since you tell Danny and Emma the same thing!" He crossed his arms in an accusatory manner. She laughed, "I do, and daddy too!" Noah threw his hands up in defeat. "But it's just you and me here, you can tell me I'm your favorite!" Sam touched her hand to his face and poked his beautiful dimples, "I love all three of my children the same but… you _do_ have an edge on daddy!" Noah smiled, "Yes! I can't wait to tell him you love me more!" They both giggled as they lay on their backs looking towards the ceiling and a comfortable silence fell over them. Noah was the first to break it, "you're dreaming," he turned to face her with his head on the pillow. She did the same as they were eye level, "I know. I don't want to wake up." She traced the outline of his face with her thumb. "Then don't," he responded.

Sing to me the song of the stars  
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing  
and laughing again  
When it feels like my dreams are so far  
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again

* * *

 _AN: Song: Only Hope-Mandy Moore_

 _Thank you for all the reviews and comments on this story. Hope you enjoy this latest update! let me know your thoughts! :)_


	5. Chapter 5: December

**Chapter 5: December**

"Mr. Morgan-Drake can I speak with you for a minute?"

Danny packed up his things as the rest of his classmates filed out of the room. He stepped forward to the front of the room, "Yes, Mrs. Lansing-Davis-Ashford."

"Danny." Molly gave her nephew a side glance as she sat halfway on the front of her desk.

"Sorry."

"You were late, I know you have new living arrangements but that's not an excuse for tardiness."

"I know, I'm sorry, I woke up late but it won't happen again." He explained.

"Good to hear."

"At least I didn't miss much, since you've been teaching me this stuff since I was like two." Danny reasoned as he placed his book bag on his right shoulder.

Molly laughed, "you're right but what are you trying to say? You're bored? Because we can change that!"

"I'm just saying Romeo and Juliet are kind of played out." He smirked.

"You can't out play a classic!" She said as she walked around the other side of her desk to sit down.

"You definitely can. Once, it becomes a cliché, it's been overdone." he argued.

"Okay, if that's how you feel, then you find another literary piece to read and I want an essay on it. You can even pick the theme but it needs to have a thesis and clear point of view."

"So I get to pick the book and read it instead of Romeo and _basic_ Juliet?

Molly laughed at his sarcasm, "no, you get to do it in _addition_ to 'basic' Romeo and Juliet. But I need to approve of the book first."

"What? How does that work? Confusion etched his face.

"It's one of the benefits of being related to the teacher." She chuckled.

"I don't think it's supposed to work _that_ way, but okay. I'll do it." Danny was actually grateful for school. It was the only time his mind wasn't reeling in that night and everything after. He always did well in school even though he wasn't a genius like Noah or a straight A student like Emma. He got mostly A's with a few B's sprinkled in and he was okay with that. He wanted to make Noah proud of him and he had decided he would put his focus on school, maybe then he would finally be able to face his little brother.

* * *

Alexis banged on the door for the fifth time, "Sam, can you open the door please?" She waited for a response that never came, "Okay then, I tried." Mumbling to herself, she rooted around in her purse until she found it, "I'd say this is a qualifying condition." She placed the key in the lock and opened the front door.

"Sam" She called out for her daughter and received no response, she walked over to the lump on the sofa covered in blankets and gently nudged her," Sam, sweetie."

"I gave you that key for emergencies only."

"Well, then it's a good thing you gave it to me." She sat on the remaining edge of the sofa her daughter wasn't laying on.

She rolled her eyes, "Mom, no offence but I don't want to talk."

"That's great, so you can listen. Hey, look at me please." Sam slowly lifted her head from under the blanket to look at her mother. "I'm not going to let you push us away. You grew up having to deal with hardships on your own and when you are in pain you have a habit of going back to that mind frame. You have a family now, one that loves and supports you unconditionally. Sam, it's okay to allow others to support you. I don't know if it's because you don't trust us, or you think it would make you feel weak..."

"My child is in a long term facility breathing through machines. My precious, vibrant eight year old may never wake up again, laugh… build another drone. I'd say warrants me to deal with that pain how I see fit. And if me needing alone time hurts your feelings then I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do about that. You can help me by leaving me alone." She turned her head in the opposite direction.

"I didn't mean it like that…" Alexis paused, "you can push me away all you want, get angry―defensive with me but it doesn't mean I'm going to go anywhere! I'm always going to be right behind you, to catch you, if you need me too." She peered over her as gravity guided the young woman's tear across the bridge of her nose and onto the couch. Alexis kissed her forehead softly. "I love you." She stood to leave.

"Mom."

"Yes sweetie?" She sat back down.

"Danny. I can't be there for him the way he needs me right now… I―I want him to see me strong, not like this."

"When I said I was behind you, I meant all of you. Danny is an extension of you and I would do anything for my grandson. I will be there until you can. You are going to heal, okay?"

Sam nodded as she closed her eyes. She felt slight relief knowing her mother would be looking out for her other baby.

"Go back to sleep" Alexis whispered and decided she would stay a little longer to help tidy the place up.

* * *

"Hey!"

"Hey!" Danny made his way through the rush of people in the cafeteria to sit with his sister. "I should really start packing my lunch. They never make anything good."

"You mean like Salmon and peppers?' Emma showed off her superior meal.

"Yeah, exactly that!" He stuck his fork in her plate, broke off a piece and placed it in his mouth before she could protest. "Thanks!"

She rolled her eyes, "You're _not_ welcome ―Daddy cooked it last night."

"Yeah? How's that?"

"What? Family dinner? It's… weird. Last night was the first time Daddy cooked in a while. Mama was quiet so all of the attention was on me. You and Noah weren't there fighting or cracking jokes with daddy. It's just not the same." Emma played with her food.

"Is she okay?"

"No. But she might be better if you came to visit her like you said you would."

"She doesn't want to see me. And I… I can't see her like that."

"Danny she _does_ want to see you!"

"Okay if she does then how come she hasn't come to see _me_? Daddy came but she didn't." Emma was quiet. "Exactly because she doesn't want to see me. She blames me!"

Emma shook her head. "No, I don't believe that."

"She does, Em. I _heard_ her say it. The night of the surgery. I heard them talking and she said I put Noah in a coma. He's not here with us because of _me!_ "

Emma wasn't sure what to think, "maybe you heard her wrong?"

"I didn't… I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm just going to focus on school. And now I have an extra assignment from Aunt Molly thanks to my big mouth!" Danny continued eating his food.

Emma smiled, "Well, that's a good thing then." She took a sip of her drink. "How do you like living with your dad?"

Danny thought for a moment, "It's cool. He doesn't bother me much. It's kinda quiet there but I like it. We talk and watch tv sometimes. He's always dealing with his security business stuff though."

"Plus he lets you crash his motorcycle" Emma added. She felt a little guilty for wishing he hated it there so he would come back home.

"mmhhm" _He doesn't know that though._

"Are you coming to my recital Friday?"

"Yeah, I'll be there. Maybe I'll even convince my dad to come." Danny chuckled.

"Yeah I'm sure he wants to spend his Friday night watching a high school dance recital." Emma laughed.

"Oh look it's my favorite Drake," The tall brunette teen sat down next to Emma. "And my not so favorite…," he looked at Danny.

"Go away, Ryan." Emma warned.

"So what are we talking about? The dance recital? You can count me in! Seeing Emma bending and flexing in a leotard has always been a dream of mine!" he looked off wistfully.

Danny rolled his eyes, "I think she just told you to leave."

"That's our schtick, playboy! She tells me to leave, I don't, we flirt and _eventually_ she'll see I'm the guy for her! _You_ can leave though. You're kinda fucking up the vibe." He placed an arm around Emma.

"Ryan, chill…" She shrugged his arm off of her. She hated this arrogant, antagonistic side of him, which he displayed mostly at school. She'd witnessed the sweet thoughtful side of him and she couldn't figure out why he insisted on being a jerk but it was the reason she had turned him down. "Can you just not be an asshole for once?"

"I tried that remember? You _still_ rejected me!" Ryan responded.

"No _this_ is why." She gestured between the three of them.

"This is embarrassing Ryan, she told you no. How about you fucking leave!"

Ryan stood from the table and walked to Danny's side and pointed at him with anger, "Is it because of him?"

"Watch your mouth." Danny didn't like his tone towards his sister.

Ryan bent down to his ear, "You know I always found it weird how you two close yourselves off in little corners, whispering to each other. After all you aren't related by blood… right?"

Danny turned around punched him in the face. The cafeteria erupted as the commotion drew attention. Ryan lifted himself and tackled Danny to ground getting in a few punches as they landed.

"Danny! Ryan stop!" Emma yelled.

Danny blocked a punch as he shifted his weight and maneuvered himself on top of Ryan. He got in several hits before he felt strong arms lifting him off the kid. He tried to wiggle himself free but was shoved in the opposite direction.

* * *

"What the hell happened?" Patrick stood over Danny as he held an ice pack over his eye.

Danny looked up to see his dad's displeasure, "I don't want to talk about it." He quickly looked to the door to see if she was behind him. She wasn't.

"I'm not sure why you think you have a choice in the matter!" Patrick responded.

"This jerk who likes Emma said something stupid and I reacted." Danny explained curtly.

"So you threw the first punch?" Patrick asked.

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

"You don't want to know, it was gross."

"Yes, I do. If my kid is getting in fights at school I need to know why! Danny this isn't like you!"

"Dr. Drake," Principle Williams walked in before Danny could respond, "It's nice to see you again though I wish it were on better terms. We weren't able to get a hold of Mr. Morgan or your wife, did Danny get a chance to tell you what happened? "

"Yes, he did. I just want to apologize. Danny is a good kid and he doesn't get in trouble. Our family has been through a lot the last couple of months. I understand there has to be consequences for his actions I'm just asking that the school be lenient given the circumstances."

"I understand, Mrs. Ashford informed us of everything and I am sincerely sorry about your son. The problem here is that we have a room full of witnesses who saw Danny throw the first punch. There is a strict no violence policy at this school. We have to go through protocol which states that Danny will be suspended from school for a week. It's an out of school suspension which means he is not allowed on school grounds for that period. It's effective immediately."

"So is the other kid suspended for a week too?" Patrick asked in frustration.

"I'm sorry I can't comment on the specific punishment of another student."

"Are you kidding me? You can't tell me if the other kid in the fight got the same punishment as Danny?"

"Again I can't comment specifically but school policy states for a student who engages in a reactionary violent act is to be suspended for three days."

"And if he is the one to instigate the entire situation? Because I can guarantee you Danny did not escalate the altercation without provocation!"

"Dr. Drake we can't―"

"―You know what, thank you for your time but we should leave," Patrick could sense the bullshit about to come out of his mouth and he was over it. He stood, "let's go Danny."

"I'm sorry." Danny added before he stood to leave with his dad.

Danny stared out the window at the passing cars.

"Can you tell me the full story please? I need to know everything that happened!" Patrick asked.

"Emma and I were having lunch and talking when Ryan came over. He's an as―jerk so he started off right away. Emma asked him to leave and he didn't so I told him to. He got aggy and started talking about how Emma rejected him for _not_ being a douche. And he was talking sideways again so I told him to leave. Then… then he implied that she rejected him because Emma and I are close and aren't biological siblings that we…" Danny couldn't finish the rest of sentence.

"And that's when you punched him?" Patrick finished.

"Yeah."

Patrick sighed, "I can appreciate that you stood up for your sister but Danny you can't just hit people because you don't like what they are saying."

"I wasn't planning to, it just happened before I could stop myself," he explained. "Does mommy know?" Danny asked unsure if he wanted to know the answer."

 _She would if she answered my calls_ , "I left her a message… And Jason too."

"Oh." _She doesn't care anymore._

Patrick needed to switch gears "Listen, since you are going to be out of school for a week you can't just stay at home and do nothing. You're going to volunteer somewhere for the hours you would be at school, Emma will get your assignments from school which you will complete each night. Understood?"

"Yes." Danny acknowledged as he laid his head on his seatbelt and continued staring out the window.

* * *

"Keep your back straight and your hands high" Jason instructed as Danny hit the bag. Danny adjusted himself to follow his father's words. He hit the bag as hard as he could. "Good, that's better." Jason encouraged. "Next time you want to hit something, hit the bag and not another kid's face." Danny dropped his hands to his sides and looked up.

"Easier said than done, I know. I get the impulse trust me but you can't be fighting in school. " They walked to the boxing ring and hopped on the edge.

"I didn't even feel it coming. It was almost an out of body experience where I was calm… until I wasn't. Ryan is a jerk and I don't know why I let him get under my skin."

"I have a lot of experience with anger and sometimes it doesn't take much for that switch to flip."

Danny let out a slight chuckle, "Maybe I get that from you."

"No, no you don't. My anger issues stemmed from a completely different place. You aren't an angry kid, nor are you a violent kid but that doesn't mean you can't get angry. It's how you deal with that anger that matters though…unless you get them to hit you first…" Jason laughed, "I'm kidding, don't tell your mom I said that."

"Have you talked to her?" Danny asked.

"No, why?"

"I just… thought she would've yelled at me by now."

Jason placed a hand on his head, "She'll get her turn, don't worry."

Danny walked back to the locker to pick up his things and heard his phone buzz. He pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. "Hello" nerves shot through his body.

"Danny, fighting? What's going on?" Sam proded.

He sat down on the bench in the locker room, "I don't know I just lost my cool."

"Well, losing your cool, gained you a suspension. Every action you make has consequences, good or bad. You have to think about how those consequences will affect you and those around you."

"I'm sorry." He paused for a response and when it didn't come he quickly continued, "daddy already said I have to volunteer while I'm suspended."

"That sounds… like a good idea."

Danny felt the awkwardness creep back, "dad is calling me to leave, I have to go. Thanks for calling."

"Okay, bye baby."

"Bye."

Sam heard the line click before she got a chance to tell him, "I love you" she whispered. There were so many words unspoken between them, she felt the distance growing and it hurt her heart.

* * *

" _Good luck Em, sorry I can't be there."_ Emma looked up from her phone and peeked out into the growing crowd of parents, teachers and siblings. She spotted her dad, aunt Molly and both grandmothers. Nerves built up as she scanned the room for one other missing face.

Patrick checked his phone again before turning to look at the entrance. "She'll be here Patrick, she hasn't missed a recital yet. She's probably just running late." Alexis could sense the uneasiness of her son-in-law. She'd watched him stare at his phone for the last twenty minutes.

"Maybe you should call her." Patrick suggested.

"I saw her earlier at the clinic; she seemed to be looking forward to watching Emma dance. I'm sure she's on her way." Anna added in an effort to calm Patrick's nerves.

"I hope so. Emma will be crushed if she's not here. " Patrick couldn't help the doubt he felt. A couple months ago he would've been sure she was on her way but lately he'd been so disconnected from his wife or she from him. He wasn't sure.

XXXX

Sam sat in the parking lot of the school watching the families walk into the auditorium. She was tired. It took every ounce of energy she had to bring herself to the school. Her brain, heart and body felt detached from each other. Her heart sank as she saw a little boy about Noah's age and size swinging between his parents as they approached the school. She could just picture Noah in his place. Although he wasn't too keen on watching dance he was always excited to watch Emma. _I can't... I can't do this._ Her breath became labored. _But Emma…_ She attempted to open the door and step put but her feet felt like cinder blocks and she couldn't move to get out of the car. She gazed at the buzzing in the passenger's seat. _Patrick._ She hit silent and resumed her attempt to leave the harder she tried it seemed the heavier her feet got until she gave up. Frustrated she hit on the steering wheel as tears pricked her eyes. She finally put the care in reverse and pulled out.

XXXX

"Excuse me, sorry, excuse me, sorry. Oops! Sorry!" Patrick tore his attention from the stage to the loud whispers of the late arrival. To his surprise he saw his son making his way through the seated audience towards him. "Daddy! There you are, I couldn't find you!" Danny sat down next to his father reeking of alcohol.

Patrick sensed the crowed staring at the disturbance sitting next to him. Anger flowed through him as he placed a firm arm around his son and pulled him near. "You're drunk" Patrick whispered.

"Yowr drunk!" Danny loudly retorted as Patrick pulled him up from his seat and headed towards the exit. Alexis and Anna followed shortly after.

Patrick gripped Danny's arm until he made his way outside. "What are you doing Danny? You shouldn't even be here, you're not supposed to be on school grounds! How did you get the alcohol?"

"Fwrom a fwriends" Danny swayed as his words slurred.

"Sit!" Patrick placed him on the curb as Alexis and Anna walked over.

"He is completely wasted! I can't believe this! He's already suspended, I need to take him home before there's more damage." Patrick spoke in a hushed tone.

"Yeah, sure what can we do?" Anna asked

"Watch Emma's performance! I don't want all of us to miss it and there's only so much we can do for Danny right now."

Anna placed a hand on his back, "okay." She turned to head back in the auditorium.

"Anna, can you take video please?"

She waved her phone in the air, "already ahead of you!"

"Patrick why don't you go back in and see your daughter's performance. I'll take him back to my house and he can sleep it off." Alexis offered.

"He can barely even stand up right." Patrick gestured to Danny who had taken the liberty of laying all the way down on the sidewalk.

"Just help me get him to the car and Julian can help me the rest of the way." Alexis reasoned.

"Are you sure?"

"He's my grandson, so yes I'm very sure. Besides I think it's past time we had some bonding time." Sarcasm edged out the latter part of her statement.

Patrick was torn. "…Okay… but call me if you need anything and I'll be over in the morning."

"Sam's not going to be pleased."

" _Well she isn't here!_ " His words came out harder and sharper than he intended. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay. Let's get him to the car."

Patrick picked Danny up and helped him the car. He watched Alexis leave and tried calling Sam again for what he knew would be a fruitless effort.

* * *

Sam sat on the couch nervously waiting for Emma to get home. She'd envisioned the steps in her head as she had shown her a thousand times.

Emma burst through the front door and slowed briefly as she saw her mom stand and look at her. _She's fine._ _No broken limbs or tragic accident to prevent her from coming._ She kept moving towards her room without a word.

"Emma wait!" Patrick called after her as he entered.

"Is everything okay? Did the performance go okay?" Sam asked.

Patrick laughed at the loaded questions, " _Apparently_ , the performance went amazing and she stole the show!"

"What do you mean apparently, you didn't see it?" She asked bemused.

"Well, I saw more than you but no! I didn't see it because Danny came in the middle of the show _drunk_. I had to deal with him and _you_ never answered your phone!"

"What? Where is he?"

"Ask your mother!" Patrick stormed out of the room.

Sam watched as it seemed like her family was imploding. Her grief had paralyzed her for the second time from being there for her kids. She hadn't been able to be there for Danny or Emma. She couldn't help but think had she been there for her kids, all of them, the night wouldn't have been a disaster.

* * *

"Just set him on the bed" Alexis instructed to Julian as he helped Danny walk into the room.

"Should I get a bucket?"

"Yes please, thank you"

"What happened? Why does my grandson completely reek of alcohol?"

"That's what I'm about to find out, I'll fill you in later. Right now I think it's time I have a chat with Daniel."

"Do you think now is the right time?" Julian watched as Danny stared off.

"Yes. And if we have to have the same conversation in morning then so be it."

Julian left the room and felt a little bad for the kid. He remembered his youth and the things he got into though he never had anyone to set him straight.

Danny had sobered up a little after the few pit stops his grandmother made on the way. He felt like shit and what was worse he didn't even know how things spiraled so quickly.

Alexis pulled up a chair and sat in front of him, "You are gonna tell me everything that happened today. I want to know everything from the moment you woke up… everything you ate, every place you went and every person you talked to!"

"Grandma?"

"I'm waiting."

Danny felt his entire world spinning, the last thing he wanted to do was rehash everything that happened that day but as he looked up and saw the look on his grandmother's face he knew he had no other option. He began telling her how his day began. The more he talked, the more he remembered. His mind had been preoccupied with his conversation with his mother the previous day and being bummed he would miss Emma's performance. He hadn't spoken to her since that phone conversation but he picked apart ever word she uttered, pause she took and the things in between. What she _didn't_ say weighed on him heavily. He'd told his father he was going down to the pier to get some fresh air and that hadn't been a lie.

"When I got down there Marc was there… he had a bottle. I didn't want it but then I just wanted everything to go away. These feelings… this guilt. So I took a sip and then I took a few more." A tear escaped down his face. "And I don't know I ended up at Emma's play."

Alexis took in her grandson's explanation of events. She saw a kid broken from an unfortunate incident and her heart broke for him but she also knew she couldn't allow his behavior to continue or god forbid lead down a path of no return. Her face hardened as she prepared to speak, "Hey, this…" She gestured to the bucket on the floor and his current state, "can't happen anymore. You are in a lot of pain but alcohol isn't the solution. It's not going to soothe any of your problems, it's going to make them worse."

He nodded, "I know, it's just… I didn't intend to do _anything_ but focus on school. It's like no matter what I do, no matter what my intentions are, I still screw up. No wonder mommy wants nothing to do with me."

"No, Danny I need you to really listen to me. You mother loves you more than life itself and nothing, _absolutely nothing_ could change that for her. No matter how badly you screw up she will _always_ love you."

"Then how come she won't see me?" There was an edge to his voice that came out before he could stop it. He felt anger that had been sitting dormant.

She took his hands, "grief can be debilitating and your mom is having a particularly tough time with everything that has happened. I saw her the other day… your mom is a protector. She is fierce when it comes to her family and the people she loves, even if she is protecting you from _herself_. Keeping a distance sometimes is the only way she knows how. But she knows you have us."

"Do you think she blames me?" It came out as a whisper and he kept his head down, almost embarrassed to look her in the eyes.

She lifted his chin until their eyes met "I know for a fact she doesn't."

"Did she talk to you about it?" he waited with baited breath for her to give him some hope.

"No, not directly. But I'm a mother, _her mother_ and I know… She and I have been through a lot. We have forgiven each other for the unforgivable and you see how close we are. Trust me, your aunts and your mom have all screwed up a time or… ten. They have tested my patience; I've been angry, upset and disappointed in them at some point but not once has my love _ever_ waivered."

Danny nodded in acceptance, although he didn't feel like he could fully believe it until it came from her.

"She worries about you and I told her I would look out for you and with that said, this current arrangement is not working. So we are going to try something different. You are going to live here with me and grandpa for a while. You will go to school and come home. One of us will take you and bring you back. You will also check in with any one of us throughout the day via video chat so we know where you are and what you're doing at all times."

Tears flanked both sides of his face as he listened to his grandmother.

She placed her hands to his face and looked him in the eyes, "baby, I'm won't let you fall through the cracks. Your parents are in a lot of pain right now, and can't help you the way they normally would so I'm here as a safety net. They love you and want the best for you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm 100% sure, come here." She pulled him into her arms letting his head rest on her shoulder.

* * *

 _It's been awhile, eh? Lol Sorry, hopefully it won't be another two months before the next post but I can't make any promises. Anywhoo, this chapter is a little longer so hopefully that helps! As always review and tell me what you think, I love to hear it! :)_


	6. Chapter 6: January

**Chapter 6: January**

"Guess what baby? I have some good news for you!" Emma looked at her computer screen, "what's that?"

"It turns out I'm going to be able to make it back for your graduation in May. My vacation time just got approved!" Robin beamed into camera. Originally she wanted to completely surprise her but she could tell her daughter was in need of some good news. She hated being so far from Emma while she was in pain. Her heart also broke for Patrick and Sam. She couldn't imagine the grief they were going through… actually she could.

"Really?" Emma tried to conceal the excitement building within her in case it was premature.

"Yes! You didn't think I would be anywhere else did you? I'm gonna watch my girl walk across that stage and accept her diploma!"

She smiled, "I can't wait to see you!"

"Me too! I have to go but I'll talk to you next week, same time! Love you!"

"Love you too mommy!"

Emma closed down her computer and looked at the time. _Ten minutes_. She went back to the journal entry she was writing before her call with her mother.

 _January 1, 2016_

 _Two-thousand fifteen was the worst year ever and I'm glad it's over. This family is falling apart and I don't know how to fix it. Christmas was… painful without Noah. I don't think we would have even celebrated if Grandma Lex and Grandma Anna didn't pull everything together._

 _Danny is angry with mama and the world it seems like. And things between us are strained. I'm still mad at him for coming to my recital drunk. I don't understand the decisions he's made. I told him I was done with him until he starts to make better choices. I can't continue to enable him. I miss the way things used to be.. When Mama and Daddy didn't actively avoid each other; when they were happy to see each other, sometimes_ _ **too**_ _happy. I thought it was going to be hard to leave for college after I graduate but now I can't wait to leave. I just need space to breathe. Maybe things will get better when I can be an actual college kid and away from all of the drama. Hoping this year will bring some peace to my family._

 _Xoxo,_

 _Em_

Emma looked at the time again and got up to go to the kitchen. She pulled together oatmeal, fruit and orange juice on the tray and proceeded down the hall. The room was dark but she'd learned how to maneuver without the light. She sat on the edge of the bed and placed a gentle hand on the sleeping woman's shoulder. "Mama! Wake up. I brought you some breakfast."

Sam's eyes fluttered open, her face still bearing a small smile from she sweet dream she was in with her little boy. She turned towards the small voice. Her eyes squinted as they adjusted to focus on the beautiful brunette girl in front of her. She let her smile deepen, "Mama." She repeated, "I still love hearing that word. "I can remember the first time you said it me like it was yesterday."

 _OOOoooOOO_

"This was the best day ever!" Emma twirled and laughed in her new dance leotard and shoes. She'd spent the entire day with Sam having a "girl's day." They'd gone shopping and to the spa and were topping it off with a visit to Cold Stone. Emma missed her mother all the time since she'd gone to live in Africa. She knew her mom was doing important work but she wished she didn't have to be on another continent to do it. She was starting her first dance class and she was nervous about it until Sam offered to help her with getting the proper dance attire. Somehow Sam seemed to make things better. She missed her mom a little less when Sam was around. She did some of the things her mom used to do for her plus other cool stuff.

They sat down at the table outside with their ice cream, "be careful to not spill any on your new outfit." Sam cautioned the little girl.

"Okay…" Emma stared off in thought.

Sam noticed her zoned out. "Hey! What's going on? What's on your mind?"

"What if I'm not good enough or the other kids laugh at me? Or I fall?"

She smiled as she took her hand, " _You,_ my friend have nothing to worry about! You are most definitely good enough and I won't let anyone tell you differently! And if you fall, you'll get back up, dust yourself off and keep pushing through. Nobody will be laughing at you and if they are? So what! Let them laugh. You have nothing to prove to them anyway."

Emma shook her head in acknowledgment.

"You're nervous and even though it feels kinda funny on the inside…" Sam reached over and tickled her tummy as Emma's laughter filled the space. "…it's a good thing. It means you're taking a risk, going out of your comfort zone and no matter the outcome you'll be stronger with the experience."

Emma felt much better, somehow Sam could always make her laugh. "Can you come with me on Monday?"

"I wasn't planning on being anywhere else!" Sam smiled and Emma beamed back at her.

"Sam?" She bit her bottom lip unconsciously as nerves began to course through her again.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"I know you're Danny's mommy, that's cool because I like him and he's like a little brother. I like you too, you're funny and you help me and you make Daddy happy. You're married now and I don't like calling you Sam because you're more than that but I can't call you mommy because I have a mommy already… do you think I could call you… mama?" Emma finished as she attempted to catch her breath.

Sam felt her heart swell at the sweet ramble from the little girl she was blessed to have in her life. Emma had stolen her heart and she Sam had always tried to find the balance of building a relationship and being an authority figure while respecting Robin and Emma's irreplaceable bond. "I think I would really love that."

OOOoooOOO

"I remember that day too." Emma nodded as she smiled at the memory. She felt so much love for the woman who lay before her and it was particularly difficult to see her so broken. From the first rehearsal on, Sam hadn't missed a single recital of hers until her last one. She had put on her best performance ever and Sam missed it. She was angry and disappointed initially until she realized how selfish she was being. So her mom had missed _one_ performance in her entire career due to grief over her brother. It didn't take long for Emma to realize she could forgive her.

"You're so grown and so gorgeous," She placed a hand on her check "I am so thankful to have you as a daughter. You take good care of me." She let out a small laugh that turned into a sob she held in. "I'm so sorry I can't be better for you and Danny. I love you both so much!"

"I love you too mama! And Danny does too!"

"I know." She forced a smile though the pain.

"I'm staying at grandma's today."

"Okay, have fun!"

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I'm going to be fine. You don't have to worry about me okay?"

Emma nodded before getting up to leave the room. She took another glance back before leaving out the door.

* * *

"Ugh where is it?!" Danny mumbled to himself in frustration as he tore through his bag looking for his Triquetra bracelet. Two years ago he'd bought three triquetra pendants and gave one to Emma and Noah. Emma had hers put on a necklace and the boys decided to put them on black rope bracelets. He'd been fascinated with symbolism ever since he found out about the Pheonix and the Dragon. He'd also learned he was born in the year of the Dragon. The pendent caught his eye one day when he was at a small shop. The store owner explained triangular shaped symbol represented love, honor and protection. He paid attention to the way the shapes interlocked to create the unique symbol and it reminded him of his siblings. It was also fitting the symbol had three points to represent the three of them.

Frustrated from the fruitless efforts of his search Danny picked up the closest thing to him which happened to be the remote controller and chucked it to the other side of the room where it dented the wall. "Damnit!"

"What's going on in here?" Hearing the commotion Alexis made her way towards the root of the sound. "Wow, did a tornado sweep through here last night and I slept through it?"

"No grandma, I was looking for something."

"I'm guessing you didn't find it?" Her eyes darted across the room, noticing the busted remote on the floor her eyes shifted up to the sizable dent in her newly painted wall.

Danny sighed, "no I didn't."

"I see my wall paid the price."

"I'm sorry, I'll get it fixed."

She walked further in the room, stepping over the small items on the cluttered floor. "Oh, I know you will." She smirked. "So what did you lose that's got you ripping through your room and tearing up my walls? It must be important."

He sat on the bed, "My triquetra bracelet. I lost it."

"Ahh the pendants you gave to your brother and sister. Are you sure it's lost?"

He looked around his disheveled room, "Yes. It's probably fitting though, considering I've lost them too. I failed to love, honor and protect them."

She pulled up his desk chair to sit across from him, "You know, I absolutely adore the bond you Emma and Noah share. It's a precious gift and I credit your parents for nurturing it. Your bond with your sibling is like nothing else and when you are the older sibling, there's a sense of responsibility there. That's how I felt with your Great Aunt Kristina."

Danny glanced up at his grandmother, "you have a sister?"

She chuckled at his surprise, "Yes I do, I did. She passed a long time ago."

"Oh, so Aunt Kristina is named after her?" She nodded. "How come you don't talk about her?"

"Old wounds. I've grieved for her and I still think about her often but I see her a little bit in each one of my children even though they never met her either."

"How did she die?"

Alexis paused for a brief moment recalling her guilt over her sister's death. She always felt her lies set everything in motion that led to her death, "She died in an accident, it's kind of complicated but I made a decision that snowballed and it ultimately led to her death. There were other factors at play as well, things I couldn't predict and other people I blamed as well. Ultimately, as her older sister the majority of the burden fell on my shoulders." Alexis answered, vaguely hoping her grandson wouldn't question her more about the gruesome way her sister actually died.

"Oh."

"It took me a long time to get through the guilt and grief I felt when my sister died. There were moments when the anger and rage felt like they were going to burn me up from the inside out, but you know what got me through it?"

"What?"

"Knowing that she loved me deeply and I loved her the same. I had to realize that she would want me to live the best life I could…that blaming myself wasn't helping anyone. Kristina was so full of life and energy. She was a bit of a hippy and a little strange but I _liked_ her, so much." She laughed, "so I learned to forgive my past transgressions and decided to honor her through my daughter, to protect and preserve her memory in my heart." She looked down and grazed his wrist with her thumb, "maybe you lost the bracelet, or maybe it's around here somewhere but it's just an object. The meaning behind it, the symbolism, you can still heed. You haven't failed them, you can love, honor and protect your brother and sister but you have to forgive yourself first! I do it with Kristina every day!"

Danny nodded, "thank you grandma"

She kissed his forehead and held him in an embrace, "you're welcome baby." She took in the disastrous room once again, "now I gotta get outta here before this place consumes me too!"

Danny laughed as he watched his grandmother leave, "I'm picking it up!"

* * *

Patrick pulled up the driveway and put the car in park. He exhaled hard as he prepared himself to go inside. He cherished the days when coming home was the best part of his day; greeted by a radiant smile and kiss from his wife, an excited Noah to tell him about all of his discoveries for the day, a loving hug from Emma and a cool handshake from Danny. All of that was now gone, his house felt empty and devoid of the warmth it once overflowed with. Noah and Danny were gone and Emma found excuses to stay at a friend's house as much as she could. He missed his talks with his baby girl. And Sam had become a shell of her former self. She only left the house to go to Noah's bedside and she'd even begun to do that less. Most days she didn't even bother to get out of bed. When he walked into his home now any achievements he made at work as a top neurosurgeon were overshadowed by the failures he felt as a husband and father. His family unit had been obliterated piece by piece and he couldn't stop it or fix it. He needed his partner; he was only half a man without her.

Patrick shut off the engine and walked inside, the silence overwhelming him. He went into the kitchen to find something for dinner. He didn't feel like cooking anything and pulled out a frozen pizza from the freezer. _Pizza it is._ He pulled a beer out of the fridge and turned the TV on before going back to his bedroom to check on Sam. He noticed she wasn't in the bed and called out for her in the bathroom. He walked back into the hall and glanced towards Noah's room. "Sam" he opened the door and saw her asleep in the rocking chair. His eye caught a glimpse of the empty wine glass on the night stand and then landed on the empty pill bottle next to it. "No, no, no, Sam!" Patrick leapt across the room landing at her lap as he placed his hands on her face. Tears sprang from his eyes, "Sam, baby, what did you take!?" He grabbed the bottle to look at the prescription before trying to shake her awake. "Sam! Wake up baby! Please!"

He rooted around the bed to find her cell phone, _fuck where is it?_ When he didn't find it he went back to her lap to try and shake her awake and take her pulse before going into the other room to retrieve his phone.

She opened her eyes, "what are you _doing_?"

Patrick looked up before dropping his head in her lap as relief settled over him. "I thought you…"

"I'm fine, get off of me!" She roughly nudged him off her lap.

Confused at her reaction Patrick stood up as anger started to build, "Jesus _Fucking_ Christ Sam!" He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, "I thought you had..." he couldn't finish the sentence.

"What? Killed myself….?"

He silently shook his head at the thought, tears brimmed the surface.

"I could never do that to _Emma and Danny_ " She glared at him almost daringly.

Patrick was taken aback by her coldness, "Is this a game to you?"

"No. It's not." She shot.

He paced the floor as his mind raced with different thoughts before turning back to her, "you know what, why don't we just address the giant elephant that's been standing in the room for months now. You blame me, just say it. Let's get it out in the open!"

She shifted her eyes away from him. "We're not doing this."

"Doing what Sam? Talking about it because I can't remember the last time we talked about _anything._ Just say it! ' _I blame you, Patrick!_ ' Four words, just say them!" his voice raised with the last plea. "I already blame myself! _"_

" _Do you?_ " she snapped. "Because from what I can see you are _fine!_ " She got up and crossed to the opposite side of the room. "You're fine. You get up and go to work and save every… other... _insignificant_ life besides our son. You've moved on like we never had an energetic, intelligent eight year old boy ripping through this house. I can _barely breathe…_ but look at you!" she gestured towards his put together appearance.

"It takes _everything_ I have to not drown myself in a case of beer every day!" Emotion brimmed his eyes as his spoke, "I'm just going through the motions… and regret eats away at my soul." "I do what I have to keep going because we can't _both_ fall apart. We have two other kids Sam… remember them?"

"Don't you dare!" Anger shot through her words as she pointed a finger.

"Danny is so consumed by guilt he has completely spiraled out and he needs his mother to get back on track but you are nowhere to be found. He believes you blame him and no matter how much Alexis, Jason and I tell him that's not true. He won't believe it until you start to show up for him again!"

"Stop!" She shook her head.

He continued…" …And Emma has become disheartened and distant. She can't stand to be in this miserable house any more than I do! She'd love to discuss colleges and dorm room décor with you but she can't, instead she's concerned about whether or not you will eat if no one is here to make sure."

"Great, this is the part here you tell me what a horrible mother I am, because I'm well aware of my failures, thank you!"

"No. I'm telling you this family doesn't work without you! This isn't a life Sam! It's a mere existence, a despondent one! I don't remember the last time I even touched my wife or she touched me."

"Oh, so that's what this is about? I'm being remiss in my wifely duties." She let out breathy laugh, "I'm sorry, you should've said something sooner." She began undressing.

"Sam!" He put his hand up.

She continued as she popped open her top revealing her bare breasts. "Clearly I've been a neglectful wife, Patrick."

He looked away "Sam, stop it!" She stood in just her panties, "No, this is what you want. Come fuck me Patrick!"

"Stop it, stop it, _stop Sam!_ " he picked up a blanket and closed the distance to cover her up.

"No! Don't touch me!" She pushed against him and punched both fists against his chest as he tried to wrap the blanket around her. Tears streaked her face as she finally stopped fighting back and allowed him to wrap her up.

Patrick brought her down to the floor as his own tears fell. He held her close for the first time in months. Her body was so frail he felt like he'd break her if he applied too much pressure. She spoke through her silent sobs, "This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He's with us in my dreams." Patrick kissed her forehead.

"We can't continue like this. We need help to put the pieces of our life back together." He whispered to her at he gently rocked her. She didn't speak but gripped his waist firmer in response. They stayed on the floor for hours, silently holding each other.

OOOoooOOO

"Tonight?... Okay. Thank you so much Andre. I appreciate it." Patrick hung up the phone and walked back into the bedroom where Sam sat curled up in the lounge chair staring off into space.

"Hey, I just talked to Andre. He said they have a space for you tonight."

She nodded her head and watched as he moved around the room to pack her bag. "Can we make one stop first?"

Patrick looked up at her, "where do you want to go?"

* * *

"Hey Emma, grandma said dinner would be ready soon." Danny stood at the door waiting for acknowledgment of his presence.

Without looking up Emma nodded her head.

"How long are you going to freeze me out?" Danny asked as he stepped further into the room.

She continued to turn the pages of her magazine, ignoring his question.

"Emma please? I'm so sorry for ruining your night. I was an idiot and I'll do whatever you want me to if you would just talk to me again. I miss you. You're my best friend and the only person I can talk to."

"Tell grandma I will be there in a minute."

"Emma?" Danny pleaded as he sat on the bed in front of her.

She finally looked up from her magazine, "Danny, I already told you. I am done. I can't protect and cover for you anymore. Every dumb decision you have made over the last several months, I've covered for you and guess what? It only led to more dumb decisions. I thought I was helping but I wasn't. It's time for you to grow up, suffer consequences and learn some lessons on your own, little brother." Emma couldn't deny she missed him too but her first instinct was always to protect him and it seemed to do more harm than good. She was also still angry with him.

"And this is one of those lessons?"

"Yes. I love you but I'm not going to watch you slowly ruin your life. If you mess up one more time at school, they will expel you and then what? And I'm not interested in you promising me not to screw up because your word doesn't mean anything anymore."

"Hey, what's going on? Food is getting cold." Alexis could sense the tension between the two and knew they had been having issues.

"Coming Grandma," Emma remained her eye contact with Danny as she got up from the bed and until she faced her grandmother and smiled, "I'm hungry!"

Danny sat on the bed for a few moments contemplating the conversation before he got up and followed.

* * *

Patrick pulled up to the lake house and turned the engine off. "I just need a moment before we go in." Sam could see Emma, Danny and Alexis moving around the family room. She felt so raw and vulnerable, like an open wound. She needed to find the strength within her to reassure her kids things were going to get better, _she_ was going to get better. "Do you think they hate me?"

"I _know_ they miss you and they will be proud of you for getting help." She looked at him, softness emanating from her eyes, before she opened the door to walk up the driveway.

Patrick unlocked the door and stepped in, Sam right behind him, "Mommy? Mama!" Danny and Emma said in unison, shocked to see their mother outside of her bedroom. Alexis too was shocked to see her daughter. "Hey, don't look so surprised," Sam nervously joked. 'Can you both come here I want to speak with you for a moment." She sat on the coffee table and gestured towards couch in front of her.

Alexis could tell something happened between the couple; they both looked off, disheveled, but she couldn't figure out what it was. She moved towards the other side of the room to stand next to Patrick, "Is everything okay?" She whispered. "No, but we are working on it." Patrick felt guilty for allowing Sam to reach her breaking point. He was still confused and shaken over the events of the evening. When he took Sam's hand in marriage, he'd promised Alexis he would take care of her, as much as she'd allow anyway. He felt like he'd faltered on his promise.

Sam placed a hand on each of their knees and leaned forward as nerves shot though her body, "I umm…I want to apologize to both of you for not being there for you and to help you through… everything. I felt like a fraud. I've always wanted to show you guys my strength because I wanted you to see that same strength within yourselves. But... I haven't been strong and I let this… pain take over," her lip trembled with the words. "I didn't want you to see me in that state so I distanced myself, as much as I could. And for that I am truly sorry." She turned to face the elder of the two and took both hands in hers, "Emma, you have been so strong through all of this and taken care of me when it should've been the other way around."

"It's okay mama, I don't mind."

"It's not okay, I placed a burden on you that you should've never had to bear and I am _so_ sorry. You are so patient and so caring for others, it's something I really admire in you. I let you down but I am going to work to be deserving of being your mama again!"

Sam turned her attention to her troubled son; she could see the pain in his eyes, pain she couldn't heal because she was so preoccupied with her own. "Danny, I need you to understand that none of this is your fault…. Okay? I need you to believe that. She stared directly in his eyes and waited for a response. He made very slight gesture with his head. What happened that night… I don't blame you."

"You should…" Danny protested.

"But I don't, hey" she cupped his face, "and you shouldn't either. I love you so much! I love you both and I know words don't mean much without action to back them up that's why I'm going to the NuLife Center. They can help me to manage the grief and I want to get better."

"How long?" Emma spoke up first.

"A few weeks, it won't be too long."

Danny stared at his hands, pensive. Sam could see his mind working overtime, indicated by his raised brow and could tell he wanted to say something. She waited for him to gather his thoughts.

"If―if you go there, you'll get better?"

"Yes."

"Then I want you to go." Danny resolved.

"Can you make me a deal?" He nodded. "No more drinking. I don't want to give you a lecture after the fact and I'm not really in the position to criticize your grief because I wasn't there and that's on me. But I don't want you to stumble onto the wrong path with no guide to get you back. I want to be able to be your guide again, that's why I'm going to NuLife. We are both going to heal… together."

Danny stood and hugged his mother tightly; he didn't speak but nodded in her embrace. She pulled Emma into her arms as well and allowed them to release some of their burden from the last couple of months.

Patrick looked on with tears in his eyes as he watched his wife embrace their children. His family was shattered and he wasn't oblivious to the fact that his marriage might be beyond repair but the scene before him gave him a little bit of hope. He only prayed for the health and safety of his kids and love, everything else beyond that was gift.

* * *

She walked into the waiting room but stopped before reaching the receptionist desk, "I'm trying to be brave. I just made promises to Danny and Emma but all I want to do is go home and sleep."

"Hey," he touched her arm and she looked down at the contact before gazing up at him. "Being here is brave. You _are_ being brave, that doesn't mean it's not hard. You are the strongest woman I know and you will get through this. And when you get out of this place in a couple of weeks, I will be right here…" he paused, "if you want me to."

She nodded in acknowledgment before breaking contact and heading towards the desk. She took a deep breathe to collect herself, "Hi, I'm Samantha Drake, here to check-in."

Patrick watched from his spot as his wife checked into the psychiatric clinic. He felt the chill of uncertainty run up his spine and settle comfortably within his thoughts. He wasn't sure if his marriage was completely shattered, if his son would ever wake up, if Danny would be able to steer back on track or if his family would ever feel whole again. He watched as she took one last glance in his direction before entering through the double doors. He stayed there, in the waiting room for two hours to make sure she got settled in okay and that she didn't change her mind. At least that was what he told himself, he was stalling. He feared going back to an empty home.

* * *

 _A/N: Aaaaahhhh so this was my favorite chapter to write. Although I enjoy writing all of them, the scene in this chapter is the one that played in my head and became the catalyst for the entire story and was my muse along the way. So OF COURSE I want to read your review on it! lol Hope you enjoyed!_

 _-KJ_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 _One week later._

She woke up in a cold sweat and looked around the room as she took in the unfamiliar surroundings. _I hate this place._ Breathing heavy she took a sip of the water cup on the bedside table. She suddenly remembered why she was there and anger filled her chest. She lifted the covers, stepped out of bed and paced floor until the sun rose.

* * *

"You tried to kill yourself." With an even tone Andre made the statement.

"I _did not_ try to kill myself." Anger mixed with resentment coated her words. She wasn't sure why she still went to the sessions, they only angered her more.

"But you made it look like you did, for who's benefit? …Horror is probably a better word."

"Jeez doc, no foreplay? You just get right to it. Aren't you supposed to ask me some bullshit about how I slept?"

"You're deflecting."

"I slept _amazingly well_ on the cardboard you all pass off as a mattress. Thank you. And the cinderblock cells you put us in traps the heat _magnificently_. I'm also grateful for the little window which taunts me with glimpses from the outside world."

He ignored her outburst, "The scene you created, who was supposed to see it? Patrick? Emma? Danny?"

"I would never want Emma or Danny―that's sick."

"So Patrick?"

She was quiet.

"Sam, did you think about killing yourself?"

She played with the silver dollar in her hand, shifting it down each finger. "No. Not once did I think 'hey I should kill myself' but the pain, I wanted it to stop. And the only time I didn't feel that ache was when I was dreaming on pills. Every time I woke up the pain was worse than it was before. I took an extra pill so I would dream longer. That night, I don't know. I guess I didn't think. The wine and the pills… I just didn't think."

"Was it subconscious?"

"I… don't know. Can we move on please?" Remembering the events of that night made her uncomfortable. She was well aware of the devastating alternative had she event taken one more pill.

"Sure. Do you blame Patrick for what happened with your son?"

She recalled their argument, "He accused me of blaming him for Noah's condition."

"I didn't ask you what he believes; I asked how you feel about him."

She thought for a moment, "I don't blame him for the surgery. I believe he did everything possible for our son at the time. What I blame him f―what _angers_ me is that he gave up. He gave up on… our son." Emotion cracked her voice. "He could have fought harder for him but he didn't. Even after I begged and pleaded and fought with him over it"

"How? From what you've told me in other sessions, it doesn't sound like he gave up at all."

"He let Noah be transferred to that long term facility."

"Medstar is one of the top medical clinics in the country. The technology they have there could help your son be more comfortable and possibly even improve. That doesn't sound like giving up to me Sam, it sounds like fighting for the best outcome for your son.'

"The _best outcome_ would be for him to be awake, alert and _never_ to have gone through this."

He nodded in agreement. "Of course, but it did happen Sam and you have to deal with that. Do you blame Danny for what happened?"

"What!? No, of course not!"

"It could be argued If Danny had never gotten drunk that night, none of this would have happened. When a tragedy occurs it's natural to want to blame someone. And it's even okay, to blame the party at fault. But this situation is a little different. Danny is your son and guilt may accompany the blame. Sometimes we try to find a safe place for our anger, a mother, a brother, a _husband_ ―Someone who's strong enough to take it who also isn't going to bail on you. Is it possible that you have transferred your blame from your son to your husband?

"I've replayed that night in my head a thousand times. What I could have done differently to change the series of events. Danny made a poor decision to go out that night and get drunk, there's no question about that. He is a good kid who decided to experiment with alcohol not unlike other kids have at his age. He's never done anything like that before. I don't understand why he made that decision but I know… I know it isn't his fault. There's another scenario in which Danny _wasn't_ drinking. They were just wrestling which they tend to do fairly often. What if Noah got seriously hurt from one of the times they wrestled. Would I blame Danny? No, I wouldn't. The guilt is eating him up from the inside. He loves his little brother. What happened was an accident… And to answer your question, no, I haven't transferred feelings from Danny to Patrick. But…." She looked off to gather her thoughts. "Maybe I have transferred the anger I feel from being helpless to Patrick…"

"This is good Sam. These sessions are here to provide you a safe place to explore the turmoil in your head and heart without any pressure. I think we've made a lot of progress today, a breakthrough if you will. I want you to think on all we discussed today and I'll see you back here in two days!"

"Okay, that wasn't so bad."

Andre chuckled, "that's what I've been trying to tell you!"

She smiled acknowledging her stubbornness.

* * *

"Sweetheart," Patrick walked into the family room surprised by his daughter. "Hey what are you doing here? I thought you were staying with grandma Anna?" He brushed off the thought of the home he provided for his children bringing such pain that they sought refuge elsewhere.

"I was, I am but I can't come to see my dad?" Emma had only been staying with her grandmother for the week Sam had been at Nulife. She wasn't sure why she didn't want to be at home maybe because memories of how joyous it used to be constantly flooded her thoughts. She missed her father though.

"Of course, you can. I _always_ want to see you." Patrick smiled.

"Have you talked to mama?"

"No, the program mama is in is intensive and doesn't allow her to communicate with family and friends for a couple of weeks. We can visit her in two weeks. I spoke with Andre and he said she's doing okay."

"I miss her."

"Me too." He placed an arm around his daughter.

"It kinda feels like we've all been separated for months. I miss everyone, Noah, mama, Danny… you!"

"I'm right here baby. I'm not going anywhere." He kissed her forehead.

"I know, but I miss hanging out with you and our daddy-daughter days. I feel like it's been forever since we did anything."

"You know what, I've got an idea. How about we get something to eat and spend the day together, we can do whatever you want, maybe a movie or something."

"Right now?" Emma questioned.

"Yes, there's no better time than the present!"

Patrick watched his daughter's face light up with laughter as she recalled the scene from the movie in which the _smart_ brother though it a good idea, to push his maimed brother on a makeshift sled over the side of the mountain for him to get stuck suspended in air. It was a comedy about estranged brother's who got stuck on the top of a mountain and had to come together for survival as wacky hijinks ensue. He didn't really get the movie but he enjoyed the time with his girl

"You liked that movie huh?"

She laughed, "No, but the levity was a nice break from reality. The pickings were slim. Maybe we should've seen Ride Along 2."

He smiled, she never ceased to impress him, "What was it called again? Men of…"

"Mountain Men, Daddy."

"Oh, right."

"Maybe it'll take Danny and I getting stranded on a mountain to work everything out."

"I don't think so. You two have been thick as thieves since you were younger. When Sam and I started dating, you didn't skip a beat to take Danny under your wings as a little brother. It was so cute, I remember you used to check on him and make sure he was okay." She smiled. "Nothing has changed from then until now. Neither of you have told me exactly what happened but I can guess. You realized you can't protect him from _everything_. It's a hard lesson to learn baby girl and it only becomes harder to navigate as a parent, which you won't learn for another thirty years!"

"Daddy!"

"My point is, you're just his big sister, don't put so much pressure on yourself. Just be his sister. Leave the rest to me, Jason and mama."

"Okay, I think I can do that."

"You think so?" she nodded. "Besides you're going to be leaving me and going off to college soon! I'm going to have to start wearing 'proud dad' hats, any hints on where I'll be purchasing from?"

She giggled. "No, daddy don't get those, they are so lame!"

"What? I think I would look good in them! I can make them cool!" He pretended to model an imaginary hat. He loved being able to make his little girl laugh again. She'd taken on so much in the last few months, it warmed his heart to see her light again.

* * *

 _Two weeks later._

Sam stared at the ceiling, she concentrated on counting the dots to try and ignore the nausea coursing through her stomach. She was both excited and nervous to see her family for the first time today since entering the clinic. She ached for her children.

"knock, knock" Andre spoke as he pushed the door slightly ajar. "Big day…"

She lifted her head, "yea no kidding."

"Are you nervous?"

She sat up, "nervous would be an understatement."

Andre laughed, "Nervousness is completely normal, Sam. Most patients at this stage are a wreck. Your progress has been remarkable, but I understand you still have doubts. This will be the first time your family will have seen you in a couple weeks. You've started the process of healing and I'm sure they will be able to see your progress. Don't put any pressure on yourself."

"Thanks Doc, I will try not to."

* * *

Patrick felt a tingle in his spine. He wasn't sure who would greet him behind the door; if It would be the broken woman he last saw or a semblance of the woman he fell in love with. He would be lying if he didn't admit the last three weeks had been some of the hardest and he yearned for the woman, regardless of her state. Perhaps that made him selfish, he wasn't sure. He knocked on the door.

Sam heard the knock and took a deep breath to gather herself before opening the door. "Hi."

"Hi."

She stepped aside to let him in the room and searched the hall for the rest of her family. Disappointment settled in when she didn't see them.

Awkwardness filled the air before he spoke, "you look good." Her coloring was back and she seemed to be gaining some weight back. And the circles were gone.

"Thank you."

He anxiously scratched at a spot in his head that didn't itch. "How… how are you?"

"That's a loaded question!" She watched his eyes shift rapidly and could almost see the scramble in his head. She smiled softly, "I'm kidding. I'm doing much better."

Relief filled him as he cracked a small smile, "that's good."

"The kids… didn't want to come?" She waited on baited breath, fearful of his answer.

"No, I just wanted to see you before they came…"

"Wanted to make sure I wasn't ready to jump down a hole."

"No…"

"I'm sorry… that wasn't fair. Sometimes I have this knee-jerk reaction and say what I'm thinking instead of what I mean. I know I gave Andre hell the first week I was here. He's a good man!"

Patrick laughed, "It's okay. I will take a knee-jerk reaction any day." He paused to collect his thoughts, "I just want…"

"Sam." She turned towards the door before he could finish his statement. "Hope I'm not interrupting, I have a couple of people here who would like to see you." Alexis opened the door further to reveal the anxious faces of Emma and Danny."

Sam ran towards her children and enveloped them into a tight embrace. Relief hit her like a ton of bricks. She gave them each a kiss on the forehead. She was ecstatic to her children and pulled back to look at them further. "Let me see your faces!" the nervousness she previously felt disappeared and in its place was joy. It had been a long time since she felt the freeness and she relished in the euphoria. She grabbed both of them by the hands and pulled them over to the bed where she sat and invited them both to sit. "Tell me what's been going on with you guys. Danny how are you?"

"I'm good." His response was short and simple out of fear he'd break her… again.

Sam could see the apprehension on her son's face. "Danny, it's okay. You don't have to edit yourself. You can't hurt me or set me back by talking about your lives," she looked up and silently addressed everyone in the room. "Being here… has helped me, tremendously. It wasn't easy, I won't lie to you all but I was given an outlet to talk about everything and it helped. I'm not 100% but that person I became… she's not here anymore. I understand that I can't bottle up the pain anymore. So I don't want you or you," she touched their faces as she locked eyes and finished her statement, "to feel like you can't talk to me. I broke your trust and I will earn it back. I promise."

Danny nodded and smiled. "I missed you mommy."

Sam pulled him into an embrace. I've missed you too! Both of you."

"Ahem" Alexis winked at her daughter.

"All of you!" Sam smiled at her mother.

"I think now would be as good a time as any to tell you guys…" Emma spoke up and Sam's heart sank.

"I got into Cornell!"

"You got in!?" Sam repeated.

"What!?" Patrick asked as he walked towards his daughter. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know. I guess I wanted to wait until we were all together again."

Patrick pulled her in and placed a kiss on her forehead, "I am _so_ proud of you!"

Sam walked over and hugged her again, "You are amazing and I couldn't be any more proud of you!"

Danny and Alexis both embraced Emma and expressed their congratulations. Sam caught Patrick's eye and smiled. It had been a while since they shared the success of one of their children together and it felt good.

"We have to celebrate, once I get out of here!"

"I think that will definitely be on the agenda!" Alexis inferred to the other reason they would be celebrating.

"When are you getting out of here Mommy?"

"Hopefully in the next two weeks." Sam could see the sadness on her son's face and attempted to offer him comfort, "but it will fly by I promise you!"

Patrick looked at his watch to check the time. Sam noticed, "it's time?" He nodded.

"Okay. Um… thank you guys for coming today. You have no idea how much it meant to me. I'm going to continue to get better so I can come home."

"Molly and Kristina send their love. They really wanted to be here today but wanted to give you some time with these two!" Alexis explained

"I love them too."

"Anna sends her love as well!" Patrick added.

Sam held onto her children once more, resisting the emotions building. She wanted more time with them but visiting hours were ending. Mentally she recommitted herself to getting out there so she could be with her babies full time. Her heart was full of love. She watched as they began to leave.

"Mom can I talk to you for a minute?

Alexis stayed behind, "Sure sweetheart." She could see the emotion in Sam's eyes and extended her arms for a hug. Sam walked into her embrace. Tears silently fell as she felt a release only a mother could provide. Alexis felt her own emotion as she held her broken child. She used her thumbs to wipe her daughter's tears. Alexis could only count a handful of times Sam allowed herself to be vulnerable. Being that she didn't raise her and their relationship didn't start off in the best of terms she always marveled at how their relationship had progress. They would walk through hell for each other.

"I just wanted to say thank you."

"For _what_?"

"For being there for Danny and Emma while I couldn't. I honestly don't know where Danny would be right now if you hadn't been there for him. I've never been in such a dark place and you stepped up. And maybe I shouldn't say this but…"

"You can tell me anything."

"…I think part of the reason I could fall apart was because I knew you would be there for them. I knew you would love and protect them. It's twisted, I know."

"It's not. Sam you are quite possibly the strongest person I know. The amount of times life has handed you a blow to your knees and yet you've gotten back up and kept fighting. It's what you are doing now, I've witnessed it countless times that's only since I've known you. Your childhood wasn't easy either."

"I don't know, as much as I've hated this place and fought it for the first week I was here, I think I needed it. I have a tendency to push things down and just keep moving forward. I think I hit capacity, I couldn't push the pain down anymore. I just…I don't understand why my children have to be taken away from me." Her voice quivered.

"This isn't your fault Sam."

She wiped the lone fallen tear, "I know, I know. Sometimes it just feels like I'm in debt to the universe." She forced a half smile. "But you know I think I'm learning a bit about myself here and how to cope better. I have to deal with it instead of just pushing through."

Alexis's heart broke for her daughter; she didn't understand why she always got the short end of the stick. "You are pretty remarkable. And you don't have to thank me for anything concerning my grandchildren, Sam. I'm _always_ going to be there for them. Like I told Danny, I'm your safety net. I'm always going to catch you. If you ever need a moment, just tap me. I'll be there.

Sam nodded. "Thank you."

"But… there is one thing you can do for me."

"Name it."

"Don't give up and keep doing what you're doing. I couldn't be more proud of you and the progress you've made. This family needs you. I need you."

"I won't, I love you Mom."

"I love you more." She kissed her forehead and cradled her daughter in her arm. Alexis turned to leave but held onto Sam's hand as long as possible.

* * *

 _A/N: Thanks for hangin in there with me. Sorry for the long break. I won't make any promises but hopefully you all won't have to wait so long for the next update. I certainly hope you enjoyed this one, let me know! Reviews are always appreciated! Also, check out my new story Mending Hearts. It's a Samlexis story featuring Samtrick and Julexis! :)_


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